Queen To Be

This is What a Feminist Looks Like

2011-03-08T19:35:00.000-05:00

Happy Women’s History Month! Today marks the 100^th anniversary of International Women’s Day, as women around the world celebrate the progress we have made and continue to fight for new ground.

I stumbled into feminism through the back door. And honestly, I am still finding my footing. Growing up in a black neighborhood in Atlanta’s suburbs, I went to black schools, had black ballet teachers and dentists and was always exposed to women in powerful positions, while being educated on the historical struggles of my people. So the thought that I could still be denied things for my gender in this day was a slow one.
It was a big eye-opener to begin to network with powerful women journalists out of college through the Journalism & Women Symposium (JAWS). I was schooled on how recent many breakthroughs for women are and how far we still have to go.
Instead of being so tuned in to the lack of black people in power at a company, network or editorial page, I was also counting the few women too. I left my black bubble and came back to Earth, where women were only in bigger numbers when it came to births. Where it wasn’t just my color that got less pay, but my gender. The feminist switch was flipped on – and has stayed there.
I had a new word to describe why my blood boiled when a male professor called me “sweetie.” I had an explanation for telling my kindergarten charges that boys could help with the dishes during playtime, while volunteering with Heads Up.
And I had a new underdog that I was looking at in the mirror and in millions of faces around the globe.
Over the last four years I have had great opportunities to meet and connect with amazing women who share the same passion to work for the empowerment, enlightenment and equality for women, the world’s greatest underused resource. Thanks to my feminist mentor Marcia Gillespie, I had the opportunity to be a speaker at the 2009 Women + Power Conference, headlined by Gloria Steinem. The feminist leader reminded us there is still much to be done – with love.
Seeing the response to the attack of Lara Logan and the astounding numbers of sexual assault and harassment from the Middle East to my own neighborhood keeps me pushing for change and for women of all walks to have our humanity. Watching young girls blame Rihanna for being attacked by her boyfriend keeps me hosting chats with young ladies in the making. Witnessing Facebook pick up where Craig’s List left off for sex trafficking keeps me rolling up my sleeves.
Oh wait, I’m not wearing any, just like our fierce First Lady Michelle Obama.
The truth is we all can do something big or small to elevate women. In honor of Women’s Day, I vow to work on not referring to grown women as “girls.” And ladies, it’s already been a struggle.
What prompted my goal was a meeting with the owner of my building. He called the property manager and said, “The girls are here. Come join us.” Once he hung up, we reminded him we were professional women, not preschoolers. Along with feeling disrespected, I also wondered if I had contributed to this problem.
I call my female friends my girls and when passionately telling them stories, I may preface an answer with a “girrrrl.” But it seems “my girls” may not have been the only ones listening as the colloquial term has been co-opted to now treat us child-like. There are so many words to describe my amazing, intelligent and empowered sister friends, and I am working for “girl” not to be one.
I wish a Happy International Women’s Day to all women!

Sunday Kind of Love

2011-01-21T14:54:00.002-05:00

I was sad to hear of Etta James illness and listened to her music over the weekend.

I had never been so happy to wash dishes in my life the first time I heard the song "Sunday Kind of Love."

There I was grinning and scrubbing inside the home of Susan Taylor, learning what the lyrics truly meant.

It was 2006 and she spoke that day to the summer interns at Essence Magazine. After an empowering talk (and me being reminded to not be so critical of my mom), she invited a few of us to her place that evening to meet a very special guest: the daughter of Assata Shakur.

Three of us took her up on the offer and headed uptown. Close to the West Side highway and a gorgeous view of the Hudson, we entered a building that said Trump on the outside. We didn’t have to tell the front desk who we were going to see before he directed us to go to level 3. We got in the elevator and didn’t see a 3. Then it clicked. He was saying PH3. As in Penthouse.

We walked in and the room was fill with emotion. As Susan and her husband shared a chair and unconsciously grazed each others arms, Assata’s daughter spoke of the reality of her and her mother’s life. As people (like me) had fantasies of Assata coming back and forth to the states and living out loud, invisibly, her daughter brought us back to Earth. To a place where an exiled grandmother had seen one of her grandson’s once and never met the other. To a place where President Bush was in no way trying to pardon a warrior for civil rights.

But along with the stark reality, was plenty of hope, as we discussed plans for a national celebration Assata’s upcoming birthday and a card that would travel the globe for her.

Just as quickly as things begun, things wrapped up. The room of influential women thinned. Before we could offer, Susan drafted us to help close out the party. We were elated. As I started the water for dishes, she began to offer more wisdom on life and love. She shared how that Penthouse had been a dream of hers to have a place to share with people, just as she had done that night. The view was gorgeous as we looked out at the Hudson and the sunset.

Then her husband came in the room and you could feel the love between these two after years together. She always tells women to talk to your man with love and the difference your tone and adding a baby or honey can make. And she practiced what she preaches as she sweetly asked him to cut on Etta James.

“Sunday Kind of Love” came on the speakers and it was like the soundtrack to the moment as the two talked on their love for Etta while hugged up. This powerful woman, knew how to be a partner.
Dishes done, my sore throat comes up and she makes me ginger tea and gives me some ginger for the road.

I was loving being around so many beautiful Black men for the summer and enjoying the New York dating scene. But seeing her in that kitchen as Etta sang, made me want what they were drinking.
I never used the rest of the ginger.

But “Sunday Kind of Love” has stayed on my mind and in my heart.

The Real Queen to Be . . .

2010-12-10T15:00:00.001-05:00

After seeing Princess Keisha and her Prince, I thought they would be perfect for my Love Jones column at Jones Magazine. Their story ended up being even more amazing than I could have imagined. As the queen of saying "I have a boyfriend" when I didnt and being Miss Independent, I totally related.

See their story:
It was the busiest time of the year for model Keisha Omilana: New York Fashion Week. On the heels of her national Pantene ad, she was trying to find a casting and chatting away with her Ford Models agent in 2004.

Prince Kunle Omilana watched her and waited half an hour. He then introduced himself, said she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen and asked her out. She declined, made up a fake boyfriend and went down the train station stairs.

“My woman’s intuition said go back,” she says. “And when I did he was there waiting and told me ‘This is the best decision you have ever made.’ ”

And it has turned out to be just that. “I knew he was special on our first date. He had rose petals that led to our table and looked in my eyes the whole night.” Now the two are happily married and run the Wonderful Brand, which features fashion, television and online properties. Along with business, their style is also in sync.

Nigerian Prince Kunle came to New York from London to find his bride, a la “Coming to America.” Princess Keisha had no clue he was royal, until meeting his family shortly before he proposed. She was happy to find a man who celebrated her success. “The first thing he loved about me is that I was driven, independent and a career girl.”

On their fourth wedding anniversary Princess Keisha snagged this black gown from the Christian Dior outlet in Florida. “I wanted to feel like Old Hollywood that night, so I wore the mink throw passed down in my family from my great, great grandmother.”

Check out the rest and their adorable son here: http://jonesmag.com/fashion/love-jones-princess-keisha-and-prince-kunle-omilana/

Thoughts on My First Love

2010-12-03T17:00:00.002-05:00

From Heart & Soul.com:

In my relationships workshops with teens and college students, I always ask about their first love. What was the person like? What did you like about them?
After smiles and talk of childhood sweethearts, I kindly burst their bubbles (sorry ladies).
Like most women, my first love is mom dukes. It is the original relationship and the first person’s acceptance and love we crave.
And last week I got to spend some time with my first love. I got to be surrounded by the first arms I ran to feel around me, and curl up in the first shoulder nook I claimed ownership to.
The older I get the younger my mother gets to me. I am increasingly able to see her as a woman complete with her own desires and dreams, and not just my shield and comforter. I flipped through old pictures and along with wishing they had saved me some of the fab clothes, I felt closer to the women in my family seeing pictures of them through the years.
These ladies did a lot for me to have the freedoms I enjoy, including living out my dreams in New York and heading to a book party tonight to celebrate the release of “Daring to Be Ourselves” by Marianne Schnall.
The book features quotes from inspiring women including Maya Angelou, Gloria Steinem, Cameron Diaz, Eve Ensler, Kerry Washington, many other phenomenal women . . . and Charreah Jackson.
After the shock (read intimidation) and excitement of being included, I wondered what I said that was being published alongside game changers and poet laureates. When I got my copy in the mail, I could only smile.
Under the section of what inspires you, there I was quoted about how seeing my grandmother and the powerful women before me do so much with a little kept me moving, along with wanting to do the same for my own granddaughters. I had shared that with Marianne more than a year before, a few months after losing my grandmother.
So tonight I am celebrating my first love, her first love, and the power that comes from standing on fabulous shoulders
Check out “Daring to Be Ourselves” now on sale: http://www.daringtobeourselves.com/

It feels good to be a Black woman

2010-11-20T01:16:00.000-05:00

This post started on Nov. 6th and I kept hoping to finish this post this a few weeks ago, (yeah I know):

I am so happy to be a Black woman. And this weekend feels like our coming out party.

"For Colored Girls" is in theaters and I definitely encourage people to see it, regardless of your race, gender or feelings on Tyler Perry. I had the pleasure to interview writer Ntozake Shange on her work being adapted for the film and her life. And her honesty was refreshing and invigorating.

Being so starved to see faces like mine on screen with stories I can relate to.

Also excited for Black Girls Rock! The show was AMAZING and excited to tune in again. That's me, Jess and Charanna at the taping.

Update: So Black Girls Rock was historic and eems I even had a cameo. The calls and Facebook updates came in of friends who spotted me at the show. Exciting to be a part of a great moment for Black women and motivated to continue to share our stories and to be a leg as Ms. Ruby Dee so elegantly stated. My crazy and oh so cool buddy Jessica even took a screen grab of us at the show after the dynamic "Four Women" performance.

I was surprised that so many Black men had something bad to say on "For Colored Girls." But my insightful boyfriend may have a clue. Sitting in Kitchenette after a packed matinee of the film, I asked him would he recommend it to his guy friends. His reply was simple. "Naw. They not ready for that. May hit too close to home."

Happy November!

Why I love living in Harlem

2010-10-28T08:17:00.002-04:00

Got an email from Black Atlas about Marcus Samuellson's new restaurant in Harlem called Red Rooster. I was already excited about his new spot being on me and my roomie's block, and this video only added to my joy.

The red door next to the Maysles Cinema at :55 is our building. Luckily the Fried Chicken spot has closed and we are getting a new African/French bistro downstairs!

As you can see in this video, Harlem includes the diversity of our heritage and history as people of color. From high brow art to low hanging pants, it's all us.

Some of my favorite spots are featured including the Studio Museum (free on Sundays!) and 67 Orange. I'm glad Marcus is using his celebrity to spotlight our part of town. I happily shared with him a few weeks back that I had one of the t-shirts he designed for Target and he grinned right back.

Moving on up, uptown,

I gotta Love Jones . . .

2010-10-23T11:40:00.001-04:00

After going to the Jones Magazine meet and greet at their office, I liked the brand even more as fan the show on Centric.

So I pitched the EIC Tracey a column called Love Jones to combine style and strong couples. It kicked off on the website this week!

The Kudjoes continue to take Hollywood over while looking fabulous. Not even Nicole's chocolate boots can still the spotlight in this family portrait, with their children Nicolas and Sophie.

“Boris makes me feel like the best thing ever and I appreciate him and love him for that,” Nicole said.

Love is definitely fashion's best accessory.

Check out the full piece here: http://jonesmag.com/fashion/love-jones-nicole-ari-parker-and-boris-kodjoe/

I'll Drink to That

2010-10-01T10:16:00.002-04:00

It was happy hour. He was sitting at the bar with a little time to kill. So he sent a few text messages to friends just checking in. Then that feeling of somebody watching him came over.

She was sitting at the bar multitasking. Texting, and watching him out of the corner of her eye.

She waited just long enough to break eye contact to let him know she was interested, but only if he was of course.

The softness of her glance let him know she was hoping he made a move.

So he ordered another of whatever she was drinking.

She looked confused as the bartender brought the drink over, until he explained it was from the gentleman across the room.

She smiled and mouthed thanks. He gave a thumbs up, rounded the bar . . . and walked to the door.

Just before exiting, he felt a tap on his shoulder. She thanked him again. Then asked what she came over to say. “You’re leaving?”

He gave a sheepish smile and a “Yes,” and jetted down the stairs.

He rounded the corner, and met me for dinner. Over a creamy dessert, he told me that story. And I fell a little more in love.

Fashion Week

2010-09-25T16:32:00.000-04:00

I wrote a whole post on my experience at fashion week, which Blogger decided to delete. So this it.

For Colored Girls like me . ..

2010-09-14T19:46:00.000-04:00

So, so excited

Bookmark

2010-09-07T21:14:00.000-04:00

I was looking for a clip for an article I wrote, so I Googled myself. I then discovered I will be included in an upcoming book featuring some powerful women. I am THRILLED and so honored. And not going to wonder how I made the cut, so that I dont find myself edited out:)

From Interviews by
Marianne Schnall About the Book As a freelance journalist, Marianne Schnall has interviewed many of the world’s most interesting and influential women. In Daring to Be Ourselves, she brings together for the first time the most inspiring and empowering quotes from these interviews. The result is a compelling collection of insights and words of wisdom from women such as Maya Angelou, Jane Fonda, Gloria Steinem, Madeleine Albright, Eve Ensler, Jane Goodall, Melissa Etheridge, Cameron Diaz, and many others.
A diverse group of women of all ages and backgrounds is included in the book—from actresses to activists, comediennes to poets, recording artists to Nobel laureates. Their voices come together as one as they speak out on a variety of important issues, like equality, overcoming adversity, aging, finding balance in life, taking care of the earth, and more.
Thought provoking, enlightening, and even humorous at times, this book is a valuable resource for women and girls everywhere. It conveys the message that when women dare to be themselves—when they embrace their power, speak their truth, and believe in their dreams—they can transform the world.
Full list of women included in Daring to Be Ourselves:
Madeleine Albright • Isabel Allende • Maya Angelou • Sandra Bernhard Margaret Cho • Cameron Diaz • Eve Ensler • Melissa Etheridge • Jane Fonda • Carol Gilligan • Jane Goodall • Charreah Jackson • Annie Lennox • Elizabeth Lesser • Wangari Maathai • Courtney Martin • Pat Mitchell • Kathy Najimy • Natalie Portman • Gloria Steinem • Loung Ung • Alice Walker • Kerry Washington • Betty Williams

Marianne interviewed me during the Women & Power conference last year. So humbled to be among a group of such amazing women. The book will be released on November 15th.

Loud and Clear

2010-09-06T09:09:00.001-04:00

Saturday afternoon me and my boyfriend took the train out to Lakeview in Long Island for a family get together and bbq of my adopted auntie Marcia Gillespie.

We weren't sure what to expect, but the second we were scooped up from the station and walked through the door it was like we were a part of the family. On the ride over her niece told us about the tight-knit Black neighborhood they lived in, and pointed out Donnie McClurkin's house a few doors from theirs.

The day was GORGEOUS. Marcia took us to the park and nature preserve not far from the house that was beautiful. I wish I had brought my camera to capture the big and small sunflowers and lush bushes and tree limbs we had to duck under on the walkway. We realized this was something we both needed. A time out from the hustle and busy-ness of the city.

Getting back to the house we mixed and mingled, until the food was ready. I started talking with Jehmu, who turned out to be the President of the Women's Media Center, which blew my mind as I had just applied for a media program there literally hours before, and she would be making the decision. We both laughed and I realized you definitely have to be ready for what you ask for, as she asked me questions right there.

Then it was time to eat. Baked beans, grilled chicken, okra, fresh corn, potato salad, sweet potato pie and on and on . . . I just kept thinking how gorgeous and good it felt out there. Then it was time for gut-busting laughter for the next two hours. We realized the universe was answering our requests with the quickness and all put a few more wants and wishes out there.

I couldnt have asked for more as I soaked up the wisdom and stories of so many great women. Marcia's stunning and newly 75 year old sister was in town from Vegas and we discussed Avatar which she had just seen in 3-D, which lead to how Aboriginal people had their children taken in Austraila. The next door neighbor Doris, who has been married for 51 years and looks 49, offered to teach me to play Bridge, after warning me its a step up from all the card games Ive played and telling how she travels the country playing and attends the annual conference. You know I accepted:)

The good stories and good food continued. I got invited to speak at another college and to top it off Jehmu offered us a ride back into the city. During the drive, manfriend answered the "How did you all meet?" question and Marcia told more of her experiences as EIC of Essence in the 70s.

What a night.

Once home I told my boyfriend, it would be great to have a car to get out of the city like that more often.

The next morning I got an email that after three months of waiting, I was now a member of Hertz Connect, to rent cars by the hour easily in the city.

The Universe is not playing . . .

Girl’s Best Friend?

2010-08-27T15:19:00.001-04:00

From my Lovestruck column at Heart & Soul Magazine's website ...

Is being in a relationship like riding a bike?

I was catching up with my cousin last week, who is probably just like one of your cousins. She’s the gorgeous, successful, fly and single one, with enough ambition to share.

After getting her career to where she wants it and hearing her biological clock get a little louder (her words: “I feel my eggs starting to dry up. I’m not Halle Berry!”), she is ready and hoping for a serious relationship that leads to more.

With her own starting five of men to take her out, meeting guys isn’t the problem.

But wanting to actually share her time and space with someone? An issue.

She’s gotten so used to doing her own thing and having the place to herself, she’s looking at her watch and ready to show any suitor the door before the nightly news starts.

So she developed the perfect plan to getting better with intimacy: get a dog.

My eyes lit up with this revelation.

She then filled me in how a dog was the perfect prep for a boyfriend, how it will make her more warm and affectionate, her top choices for dog (must fit in purse) and friends who’ve rebounded from depression by getting a dog.

I congratulated her on being honest enough with herself to realize she wasn’t totally open to the intimacy she craves. That’s not easy. I also wished her well, if this was what she really wants.
But later that night I wondered if Madame Fifi will become another reason the new guy can’t come over.

If the real issue is wanting to build stronger connections with the opposite sex, than that’s where your focus has to be. A dog can be a beautiful part of your life and more studies prove how smart they really are. But, I have yet to meet the dog who can rub your feet or make pancakes on Saturday morning.

What do you think? Is getting a dog a good way to prepare yourself for a relationship?

Charreah K. Jackson is a writer, editor and certified family life educator. An Atlanta-native, she now lives in Harlem, New York.

I'm Lovestruck . . .

2010-08-24T12:20:00.001-04:00

I'm excited for a new column on HeartandSoul.com called Lovestruck.

Here's my first post:

I told myself these would be my Regine years. The years where I would have fun dates learning about life and myself. Have a rotation of guys to take me out on my schedule. Then right around 30 meet my special guy and begin my version of happily ever after, which includes keeping my career and splitting all household duties.

But making plans of course made God laugh. I soon realized quantity wasn’t quality and took a break from the dating scene all together. And as these stories go, the imperfect guy who was perfect for me showed up, and ahead of schedule. Along with splitting kitchen duties when we are together, our happily ever after also included us getting laid off exactly three weeks a part last year. And I wouldn’t change a thing.

I’m Charreah and I am lovestruck. Not the sappy-can’t-live-without-you kind. But literally spellbound by the power of one word and emotion to transform our lives. And I’m on a mission to do my part to encourage more people to value it, and know what to do when they find it.

In relationship workshops I host, I always ask why spend so much money on dating from new hairdos to dinner, and not know how to make it work after date three or the first fight?

And for Black women loving Black men, the issues are even more complex.

I look forward to sharing my experiences and those of others with you here. But we all know what can happen to the best-made plans.

Check it out at Heart & Soul's website every Tuesday and Thursday.

Fashion's Night In

2010-08-20T13:47:00.001-04:00

I had an amazing time yesterday!! Ending up in Brooklyn mistakenly couldn't even dim the light on a great night.

I went to the Jones Magazine Fashion Preview at the mag's tip of Manhattan office. Already downtown at my job near 8th st, I trained it down. I quickly learned that just because the N now goes local in midtown, it doesnt below 8th st and the train went from Canal St. to Atlantic Ave.

But it all worked out perfectly, as I arrived at the cute office of the North Star Group, which houses the Source and Jones magazines. "From hip hop to high fashion" publisher Londell McMillian of both shared during his talk . . .

I felt like I was at another family reunion with so many fabulous and positive people of color. Well some are family, as a few former Essence coworkers now work at Jones including their Web Director and Glamazon herself Jessica, my fellow HU grad Judene heads up sells for the fashion glossy and more.

It was time to head in the conference room for the presentation by Jessica and the mag's EIC Tracey Ferguson. I was a big fan of the show "Keeping Up with the Joneses" and was excited to see this magazine continue to grow and Tracey, a friend in my head, in person. Up until that point I wasnt sure who the event was targeted for, then realized it was for fashion bloggers. The magazine wanted to invite bloggers in to start to build a relationship. How sexy and smart! Social media is the present and future . . .

I flipped through and could see the growth from the last issue, literally. The magazine was thicker. good sign. The content is AMAZING. Great sign.

Tracey shared the theme of the next few issues (including a Black Girls Rock one) and encouraged those in the room to send ideas. I asked about the realities of going in to high-end businesses for advertising and explaining women like us to the brands Black women covet and they discussed the new grounds the magazine is breaking including a partnership with Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week. I felt an excitement I didn't realize had waned. I was known as the magazine-loving girl in college , and hanging with the Jones crew made me remember why. As Londell said, Jones is the little magazine that did!

It all felt full circle, as the gift bags were from Motions, one of the clients at my firm. Leaving out I ran into my old Essence cube mate and surrogate big sister Bridgette. Be sure to check out her blog, Black Bridal Bliss, which she still manages to update while styling for People Style Watch. Work! That's what we as Black women have mastered.

I am filling out my subscription card (something I haven't done in YEARS) and cant wait for my next issue to arrive. Be sure to check out the magazine, the Jonesmag.com site and support a brand that is supporting us!!

A Family Affair

2010-08-13T16:20:00.001-04:00

You know I love a family reunion.

So seeing my dad and boyfriend dressed in similar ties before we headed to church on Sunday had me grinning.

We were in the deep South for the gathering of my dad's family. And my New York-born and bred manfriend handled it like a champ.

But getting there was a headache. We got to the airport in good time, only to find that though we booked on United and our printouts said that, we were actually leaving from US Airways. We got on a airpot shuttle to get to our gate. That bus went everywhere but where we wanted. I was fighting the feeling that we were going to miss our flight. Finally we get to the gate. I'm wondering if they will let us check in and mad at everyone including my boyfriend for not being as mad as me. We check in but our seats are gone so we are now both in middle seats. Le sigh. At least we made it.

We land in Charlotte and the rental car company of course tries to slide in weird charges. We start the 1.5 hour drive and there is a Bojangles on every block. We definitely aren't in New York anymore. I sing off key to the radio and Steph cracks jokes if all my family will be singing. I let him know he is in store for a treat. We get turned around a few times, but finally we arrive in Cheraw, SC.

We check into the hotel then head over to the banquet hall. The first person who spots me is my Aunt Sug, better known as Gloria to her lawyer friends.

For the next 40 minutes its more of the same as I get warm hugs from relatives and introduce this man who means enough to me to bring to the reunion. It felt good to be surrounded by so many people who love me.

My grandmother was pretty in pink and commented on how good we looked together. Her brother, the funniest and oldest guy in our family regaled Steph with stories of his time in the big city.

Then the busy body cousin was upon me to pay my dues. I paid and introduced her to the boyfriend I mentioned last summer. She replies by introducing me to her husband. She was single at last year's reunion. Work!

We played cards, ate good and caught up with family for the rest of the day. Sunday morning we spotted my great uncle and cousin looking sharp as they got ready to head to church to lead the service. We headed to my grandmom's house where my dad was happily preparing breakfast. He wanted to spend more time with Steph and got it over a plate of grits and eggs. Dad was quick to invite him to Atlanta for some of his legendary fish, and was confident I had told Steph about his cooking skills. My brother is als a good cook. Having the three most important men in your life cook better than you as a woman is very new age. I'm getting use to it.

I'm also getting use to my 11-year-old sister continuing to grow. She gave me some cute white sandals and I wore them to church. Someone had given them to her and they were too small. Yes, you read that right.

We headed over to the family church which sits across the street from my grandmother's house. Before I could get too comfortable in the pew, my aunt was telling me and other cousins around to head to the choir loft. The family was the featured choir. As I tried to think of every excuse, I got beckoned again.

Well, guess Im in the choir and they'll be some singing Jacksons after all. We loudly whisper hymnal numbers down the row. Then its time to sing. I snuck this picture of my dad and his brother from my seat in the choir loft. It's the same head!

After service we grabbed a plate at grandmom's then it was time to head back Charlotte. But not before different relatives gave me their feedback on my boyfriend: they liked them, they liked us together.

We played punchbuggy but with Bojangles spottings. I won 6 to 2. See how many Bojangles their are in Charlotte?

Even though we were only in South Carolina for a day, it felt like five with all the time we spent with my relatives. Gotta love family.

Scar Tissue

2010-08-12T13:35:00.001-04:00

It's not every day, every week or even every month, that I think about my cancer past.

It's intentional not to dwell on the what-ifs of what could have happened and focus on what-is. I am alive. That is the blessing.

But every now and again the tight lid I have on that chapter of my life opens just a little and leaves me undone.

It can be visiting a friend and seeing their orange dish washing detergent that bares a striking resemblence to the chemo IV. Or noticing someone notice the scar on my left arm from my port.

Or days like today, when I feel someone has wasted my time.

I'm not easily offended. I am my father's child in that regard. he can even find a compliment when he is being insulted:)

But what gets under my skin every time is feeling like my time, my precious precious time, has been wasted.

In those moments I come to face to face with the reality of how much I cram into every day, every week of my life.

Of the reality that I live like there is no tomorrow, knowing there really could not be.

Of the reality that being faced with death has me gulping down life.

Damn scar tissue.

Window Seat Revisited

2010-08-09T11:40:00.000-04:00

Me and my boyfriend were both stuck in the middle seats on the flight down to Charlotte over the weekend. Yes, E.Badu was on repeat for takeoff.

And I get back to this new "Window Seat/Get Munny" video. I dig. But why was the first thing I noticed was that he opened her car door when they were changing cars? You can take the girl out of the South, but . . .

The Essence of ESSENCE

2010-07-29T18:23:00.001-04:00

My mini feed for four days straight has been filled with stories, thoughts, blog posts, New York Post items and more on Essence Magazine hiring a White woman as Fashion Director. Even Anderson Cooper is talking about it.

I had nothing to say and wasn’t looking to stir up or add any fuel to the “controversy.”

I think I was waiting for Essence, a place I consider family, to have a chance to respond. Essence Magazine Editor-In-Chief Angela Burt Murray did just that with a statement yesterday.

I had the opportunity to watch Angela in action for three and half years during my journey from intern to Associate Editor at the magazine and website.

And I tell you, Angela is a hard working woman. She was there early. She was there late. And always looking fabulous. She read the comments posted to the website and sent in, and forwarded many to the staff for us to know what readers were saying. She had and continues to have much respect for the millions of women who trust her to celebrate them.

She has also drawn much criticism for decisions like this last one, and some she had nothing to with her, like Essence selling to Time Inc.

She has rarely responded. Until now.

Many commented on her response to the hiring that they wanted more of an explanation. But I was surprised she was that personal.

I remember getting an email from her last summer after me and my good friend Niema Jordan wrote a story in the magazine on 10 New Places to Meet Black Men. I would love to say I was exaggerating when we were called pimps and worst by blogs about the feature. After being called to the floor, I responded on this here blog.

In her email, Angela was understanding and asked that we not respond to criticism publicly. That was her style and I understood.

So seeing her response to the hiring controversy made it apparent that this swirling story had hit a nerve on both sides.

Black women are right to demand their publication provide what they want to see. For better or worse, Essence has been positioned as the Black woman’s Bible, so any issues with the magazine are treated as personal.

And as Angela pointed out, that same passion needs to be present in demanding good schools for our kids, demanding our men protect us and themselves from AIDS, and the biggest demand that we as Black women not cease every opportunity to tear each other down.

One thing that hit a nerve with me are the people who seemed the most upset over the hiring were often the same people who said they don’t read the magazine. That doesn’t add up.

Michaela Angela Davis’s response came from a place of love. I felt her. But a lot of the other stuff is coming from a dark place. It’s easy to tear other people down when we aren’t feeling our most fabulous. I’ve been there.

Yes, it would be great if Essence had a Black Fashion Director. I get what it means to have Black women in the front row at fashion week.

But that’s just it. I see us there!

Since joining the fashion and beauty pr world, I’ve been able to attend many fashion shows and I see US up and through the tents. From running the show to photographers and stylists.

Seeing June Ambrose front row at the Brian Reyes show in February and hearing people whisper “who is she?” made me smile at her amazing story of success. I also realize the importance of having “us” in places we are few.

We can’t look to Essence to be everything for every woman. One reason I didn’t take the hiring so personal is that I love Jones Magazine, and many other outlets that offer great style tips and features for Black women. And the internet offers even more amazing places that tailor to your specific fashion palette, and not just one style for “Blackness.” I stumbled on this site today http://cocoandcreme.com/, and LOVEEE it. Everything I want as a young and stylish (my opinion:) Black woman.

So if Essence doesn’t do it for you anymore, you have every right to grow as the magazine does the same. But we as Black women, we still have to co-exist and support each other. Criticize, yes. Condemn, no.

Former Essence EIC Marcia Gillespie was at my apartment over the weekend, and that woman is a CLASS ACT. She always reminds me that live is short, so to enjoy it and be present. So like everything else in my life, I take from Essence anything that is beneficial or helpful for me, and keep it moving.Because at Zora Neale Hurston said years ago . . .

“Sometimes I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It's beyond me.”

Six Reasons We're Loving Omarosa’s Dating Show

2010-06-22T15:14:00.000-04:00

Black women have gotten mostly cast as loud, money-hungry, power-hungry or just hungry on reality TV since the Real World began and MTV was still playing music. We appreciated VH1 trying to clean up its act this year with "Let's Talk About Pep," Chilli's dating show and the Ray-J and Brandy clan, but that may have all been canceled out with "Basketball Wives."

Then, enter Omarosa’s new dating show. It's funny, and what most of our mommas teach us to be above all else, classy. Here are six reasons we are tuning in.

#6 Brother, May I
Let’s start with the obvious. Eleven clean-cut and successful Black men interested in possibly being in a relationship with a Black woman? We're in.
In a time when the media is blasting that there are no "good" Black men, it’s great to see the invisible black man given some shine. Of course a few are probably looking for more personal gain than actually settling down, but at least it’s a reminder that the dating pool isn’t as dry as the NYTimes and ABC like to report.

#5 Success is Nothing . . .
Omarosa has used her not-so-positive reputation to her advantage. And her new show proves she may be smarter and more likeable than she’s been given credit for. With all her degrees and success, she is honest that she would still like a companion to share her life with and build to that next level, while breaking down the successful Black woman “I don’t NEEEED a man” image.

#4 Holler, she want prenup.
When Omarosa had the guys sign a prenup, some cringed. We smiled. So many of the Black women on reality TV now are famous not for their own talents, but the guy they once dated (Basketball Wives, Housewives of Atlanta, Tiny and Toya, etc.) It’s good to see a woman who pulled herself up by her own stilettos.

#3 Power of Partnership
Even if it is overdramatized for TV, the name of this show hits home. Calling it The Ultimate Merger is a reminder that marriage is the most powerful partnership and that it impacts every aspect of our lives. You can be a movement by yourself, but why not be a force together?

#2 Praying Man-tis
In so many dating shows, it’s overly superficial and pretty obvious the main person isn’t even really looking for love (We're looking at you Ray-J). Omarosa is taking her quest serious and enlists the help of her spiritual adviser. Glad she realizes marriage is a spiritual bond, centered on something bigger than ourselves.

#1 Al B. Sure
His entrance alone with his Louis V garment bag slung over his shoulder had us glued to the screen. Add to the fact that Al and O have already dated, and the seasoned singer is the sweet icing on this addictive cake.

Are you hooked too?

Catch The Ultimate Merger every Thursday at 10pm on TVOne.

My First Love

2010-06-16T10:43:00.002-04:00

My first love came to town last weekend. I was part tourist/ part tour guide, as we hit some of NYC’s hot spots.
I could see how the years had changed us since we lived together and how much is still the same.
I had to reconcile the fantasy I had in my head with the real person. The image I had been carrying around with the human being in front of me.
I had to accept my mom for the woman she is.
Like many women, my mom was my first love.
The first person to make me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world and the person whose affection and approval I craved.
But as much as I preach to take people as they are, I had a hard time doing it for a person who has made the biggest difference in my life.
But, Im learning. Im trying. Im living another day to get better and better.
We had a blast having lunch with my new love and his mom, hanging in Harlem and taking a boat tour of the Statue of Liberty.
And I was happy to make good on my Mother’s Day Gift to gift her Denzel Washington.
We had an amazing time at Fences on Sunday! I got nervous when I realized our show was the same day as the Tonys. But Denzel and Viola were there and did not disappoint. It made it even sweeter as my mom watched them win the awards just a few hours after us seeing them on stage.
That play is a blog post in itself, and I love me some August Wilson. See it if you can.
As for me, I’ve taken my mom off the pedestal I didnt realize I placed her on. And embracing her powder-on-the-neck, loudest-in-the-room self just as she is.

A Family Affair

2010-06-02T20:04:00.001-04:00

I didnt fall off the face of the Earth, I promise. With Memorial Day officially kicking off summer, it's far past time for an update.

All is well in my world, as these 8 pounds Ive picked up in the last 8 months prove. Blame it on dating a man who can really cook!

I spent Memorial Day weekend with my boyfriend Steph and his family in the Poconos, celebrating his grandad's birthday. Yes, that's his real name. After a year together, I can retire the Sherlock moniker. Yay! The funniest part of the trip was the fact his 2 year old nephew and 82 year old granddad both seemed to be a little sweet on me:)

We considered the trip our sneak peak into what life in the suburbs would be like for us. He rented a mini van and I was navigator as he drove us, his sister, nephew, mom and great-aunt from the big city to small town Pennsylvania. We passed many deer and other animals along the way. I was a bit nervous about meeting a lot of people from his family. But it turned to be an amazing time. I got a little wide-eyed as his cousin's husband, a pediatrician, told me I was two years away from a woman's fertility peak, but his wife, a doctor herself, let me know it was a scare tactic to get us moving on babydom. Whew. Around 35 is still when the drop happens.

We got back Sunday and the next morning I moved into a fab new apartment with one of my best friends and loving it already. That afternoon, I was in heaven to skip barbecues and block parties and head straight to Target and load up the van for supplies for the new spot. Just as I was trying on suburban life and considering taking it home, it was time to return to Sex and the City mode and head back to work in the fashion and beauty PR world.

I am thoroughly enjoying my new gig and stretching myself in new directions. It also doesn't hurt that I'm actually getting paid to be on Facebook for part of the day.

The gig and new apartment have allowed me to see myself from different angles and its been enlightening, to say the least. My mom is coming to town next weekend for her belated Mother's Day gift, tickets to see Denzel in Fences. I didnt get the tickets I wanted and paid almost double for the ones I did get. BUT, all's well that ends well. Keeping on my happy face.

Steve Harvey's New Dating Website

2010-05-04T15:20:00.004-04:00

I am a fan of Steve Harvey. He's like a uncle who means well, even when he doesn't always say it right. I dig it.

I listen to his radio show many mornings. I laugh at reruns of the Steve Harvey Show. I look forward to seeing him host Family Feud.

I even got where he was coming from with "Act Like A Lady, Think Like a Man" and enjoyed the book, as he gave straight talk and writer Denene Millner polished it up.

No it wasn't groundbreaking information, just some of the same stuff my dad and many of the men in my life had shared. Sadly, not all women grew up with a father-figure to give them straight talk on men. Enter huge room for a best-selling book to do it.

But I had to get off the Steve Harvey train with his new dating website LocateYourLove.com. When a friend sent me the link a few weeks back, I shook my head and hoped he would stay a quiet financier in the background. Of course that wasn't the case and I heard him promoting it this morning.

When I first thought dating website and Steve Harvey, I figured it would be a website full of Black women, since they comprise much of his audience.

I didn't know I would be so right.

The photo at the top of the page is the one created by the site with stock photos. The images on the right are a sample of actual members, that I saw on the homepage.

Your eyes aren't fooling you: nothing but women show up in a random sampling of the members.

I am all for online dating. And just like real dating, you need to get in a pool with a good number of people you want to date. Sadly, it doesn't seem like Steve's site is that place if you are a woman looking to date a man. . .

Death At a Funeral: But Love Lives

2010-04-22T15:15:00.001-04:00

Like death, life can often be unpredictable.

My boyfriend and I had planned a Caribbean getaway to celebrate our first anniversary in April, and I could already taste the pina coladas. But circumstances changed and he had to be in town for a work project, so we had to postpone. On the verge of a "woe is me" party, I checked myself (with his help) and had an awesome celebration right in Harlem doing what we love best: laughing.

We were front and center opening weekend for "Death at a Funeral." After seeing the slapstick trailer and feeling let down with the Why Did I get Married sequel, we weren't expecting much.

But the movie turned out to be well-made, REALLY funny . . . and include functional couples (you know I was looking:).

My heart went out to Chris Rock's onscreen wife Michelle, played by Regina Hall. At 37, her clock is ticking loudly after trying for a baby, and when her calendar says she's ovulating she tries to coax Chris Rock to try for their baby, before heading to his dad's funeral downstairs.

Before we can judge her for being so persistent, we see why when her mother-in-law played by Loretta Devine won't let her forget she hasn't reproduced. Trying to fix the grieving wife a plate, mom-in-law tells Michelle, "You can't comprehend death until you have give life." Ouch. I would have been meditating for my neck not to swivel at that comment.

Through the many snubs from her mother-in-law, Michelle stays strong for her husband on what is obviously a rough day, including being outshined by his little brother, played by Martin Lawrence. And I felt their stress of possibly not being able to get the house they've been saving for with a possible unforeseen expense.

This is a real couple with real problems, while trying to make it work. I could relate.

I respect Tyler Perry for his hustle and have laughed at the movies, but this family was a lot more like mine and my friends than any TP sitcom, family reunion or mad black woman diary. . . . Folks going for their dreams and making each other laugh along the way. I dig it.

After Brandy & Ray J: Bringing Back the Love

2010-04-12T15:18:00.000-04:00

After two seasons of Ray J's Flavor Flav style "search for love," I didnt plan on liking his new show with Brandy.

But I do.

When his dominating mom Sonja Norwood gets on the camera and says how she is ready to get her own life again and work on her marriage my ears perked up.

In the year of the Tiger-like scandals, and Beyonce's dad Mathew admitting he has a new son younger than his grandson, it's refreshing to see a couple working on making it work.

These are two people who realize where they went a little wrong (Brandy and Ray J are old enough to be handling their own lives and mess ups!), and are working on their relationship after raising a family.

Where she's loud, he's quiet. Where she needs a plan, he's a let it flow type of guy. I know I'm not the only one who can relate to opposites working out quite nicely:)

Then the show mixes in some inevitable fighting between Ray and Brandy, as their relationship evolves.

We met Ray-J over a decade ago as Brandy's brother. And now she's working to not become known as Ray-J's sister. He took a low blow saying to her "Check my bank account" during a disagreement in a office meeting, alluding to the fact he may be funding more of the family business now. But I cant say a word as my last argument with my brother ended with me ready to physically fight . . .

So for someone starved to see the Black middle class on TV, this real family with real ish, and working to keep the family strong is definitely filling a void.

Ray J and Brandy: A Family Business airs Sunday evenings on VH1. Plan on watching?

Zoraesque

2010-03-31T17:58:00.001-04:00

Yes, Im a old lady. And lured the boyfriend to come with. It was an amazing night.

Essence Magazine’s Mikki Taylor: Lessons on Love

2010-03-17T16:53:00.002-04:00

A day brown girls around the world hoped wouldn’t come: beauty industry legend and Essence Magazine editor Mikki Taylor is retiring from the magazine after 30 years!
But I can’t be mad at all as she leaves as the height of her three-decade career after inspiring millions of lives and is off to grow Mikki Taylor Enterprises and continue to change the world.
And you know what else she is off to do? Spend more time with her life partner, her husband.
When I interned at Essence, me and the rest of the interns were of course awed by the fact that she really was as beautiful in person. She glowed. After staying a part of the staff and working from intern to editor I had time to take some serious notes.

Lesson One: Love Yourself First
Mikki didn’t just have the proverbial “all” (dream job, strong family, gorgeous clothes, etc). She was actually happy and whole.
As gorgeous as we all thought she was, she looked great for herself, showing her secret was to be good to herself and others, and the rest would follow.
Check out the rest at Love Jones Lane

NYC Event: Shaun Neblett Play Event on March 23

2010-03-16T16:59:00.001-04:00

Along with being an amazing publicist and hustler, Thysha Shabazz is the girlfriend of Shaun Neblett, a teacher and gifted writer.

He is having a staged reading of his play Homage 3: Illmatic in Brooklyn next week at no charge! If you can make it, you will be happy you did. My boyfriend and I went to a reading in November and it was a great experience. The writing is so strong. This reading is a special pre-conference event for The Tenth National Black Writers' Conference in Brooklyn. Here are the details . . .

Pre-Conference Event

Reading of:
Homage 3: Illmatic
By: Shaun Neblett AKA MC SNEB

Direction by: Diane Bivens

Discussion following reading
Moderated by: APRIL R. SILVER

Tuesday March 23
Doors open at 6:30PM
7PM to 9PM

BRIC Arts
647 Fulton Street
(entrance 57 Rockwell Place)
Brooklyn, NY 11217
718.855.7882

Homage 3: Illmatic represents a tribute to rapper NaS in MC Sneb's 7 Homages for 7 MCs Cycle, a collection of seven plays that are developed from the themes of seven distinct hip-hop albums, time periods, and artists.

Homage 3: Illmatic is proud to be featured as one of The Tenth National Black Writers' Conference’s Pre-Conference Events

This year's conference will feature writers:
Sonia Sanchez
Kevin Powell
Touré
and more...

*and their story is coming soon.

He Loves Me.

2010-03-11T10:12:00.005-05:00

From Love Jones Lane
“How does your boyfriend feel about you writing about your relationship in the open?,” my friend asked.
She’s considering blogging about her relationship for a magazine she works for, but not sure her boyfriend would be cool with it.
I became completely aware of what I had in that moment.

I told her not only does my boyfriend support the site, but was the first person to email in a essay (full disclosure: he’s a writer).
I had been holding on to his post, but some things are meant to share. Here’s his story of finding love. . .
It was the summer of 2006 and hot as hell when I was invited to a Fourth of July rooftop BBQ in Brooklyn. DJ CEO was on the 1’s and 2’s and the drinks were flowing.
I was introduced to a beautiful young lady who was also a HU Alum @ the party. We shared a few laughs and took a few pics. I was interested but my status was a little “complicated” at the time so I didn’t make a move. We kept in contact via Myspace (eeewwww!) and went about our lives.
As chance would have it, last spring she ran into a good friend of mine that works on Broadway and they exchanged info. A week or so later he needed mystery shoppers to check out one of his theater employees and offered me show tickets.
There was one catch: I needed a date and it was the day of the show.
He told me not to worry he’d get someone for me and to be at the theater by 7PM. As I stood outside the theater waiting I began to have reservations. I called and text messaged my friend but no response.
As I was typing my back-out text I looked up and approaching me was the beautiful young lady from the 06 BBQ. My Cheshire cat grin may have given me away when we greeted each other. But I’m not one to hide my happiness. We saw “Jersey Boys” and had a great time. Such a great time that I didn’t really complete the mystery shop right. (Sorry Jelani.) We exchanged info and started dating a few weeks after.
11 months later we’re still going strong and for the first time in my life I can say that I’m truly happy. It’s a happiness that comes from loving someone completely and knowing that love is reciprocal. We have our arguments like any other couple. But in the end can see past the issue to our love for each other.
All mushiness aside, we share common interest and are both able to show our different sides to each other without worry of judgment. I’ve ended my search and surrendered my heart for a love that’s energizing, inspirational, nurturing, and all mine. If you don’t believe me just ask Charrreah:) Love you C.
See why I love him:)?

*Top pic: bringing in 2010
*Bottom pic: Meeting for the first time, July 4th, 2006

Check out more at http://lovejoneslane.com/

10 of My Favorite Memories of Love

2010-02-10T09:58:00.003-05:00

So I celebrated my 25th birthday this week. I had a blast celebrating with some of my favorite people.
The morning didn’t start off as great. I was fighting a cold, which I blamed for a random moodiness, and was hungry after skipping breakfast.
But a call with my dad during lunch snapped me out of the funk. He reminisced on the day I was born and how bright my eyes were that day – echoing the bright-eyed sentiment my mother had put in her card to me. In that moment I remembered it ain’t all about me. I gotta keep smiling because there are people who need a little light. It hit me again later that night when I found out someone who doesn’t even like me, was reading this here blog.
Even when the headlines hurt and the phone doesn’t ring, I’m shooting to stay bright-eyed for 25 more years and beyond.
And to celebrate making it to 25, here are 10 of my favorite memories of love.

10) “So just forget about you and me?”
I always remember that line from “Love and Basketball” when Monica and Quincy break up in college. Sure her losing in the basketball game for his affection and him coming back with “double or nothing” is sweet. But what made their happy ending appealing, was the fight it took to get there. Their story is a great lesson on no matter how great a connection, timing really is everything.

9) Holy night
There I was. A happy fourth grader on the playground when the unthinkable happened. Not only was the skirt of my uniform flipped up on my back, but the kids were laughing at the hole in my underwear. Thankfully, kids have short memories. And my mom played along like it really was the end of the world. i still remember feeling she was so sorry that somehow those old undies made it out the house. Though now I know she was fighting back the laughs, she felt my pain when it mattered most.
8)Outside the Box
Sitting at my Grandmom’s wake, I heard things about her I never knew. Like how she integrated the surgical technician team at the hospital she worked as both Black and a Woman. I knew her for making the best chocolate cakes, braiding the tightest cornrows, giving the sweetest kisses (especially late at night when her dentures were out:) and making clothes smell and feel like the sweetest and softest cotton. But hearing tales of her life before retiring made me sit up straighter. I also remembered we’ve got so many other sides. And to take more time to go beneath the surface

7)My girls!
I have been blessed with SO many amazing and strong women in my life I am not the girl who doesnt have female friends. They keep me striving and the support to dream big.
6) Maybe Parents Do Understand
Part of getting older is that big transition of your parents going from your lifeline to real people. And Ive learned so much from talking to them, especially when it comes to relationships. They got married out of college at 23 and 24 and divorced a little over ten years later. Hearing how things went wrong, helps me try to do things right.
For the other 5, including how my boyfriend got slick on crossing the "I love you" bridge, click here

Looking Good in Love . . .

2010-02-04T17:52:00.003-05:00

Isn't this gorgeous? And its not an ad. Its their engagement photos.

Get more details at Love Jones Lane.

New Blog: Love Jones Lane

2010-01-31T16:04:00.003-05:00

So I know I seem to have a new blog like every five minutes, but this ones been on my heart A LONG time and I finally just sat down and did it. (beefed up my skills a little as well, using websites and tips to build it and create a logo myself:)

Welcome to Love Jones Lane, a new place to celebrate and discuss strong relationships and real love.

The media returned the spotlight to Black women being single and scared, and I finally had enough.

So far gone from the idea that we could have the lives and families we dreamed of that it didnt take anyone else to call us bitter bitches. We did it ourselves.

Of course, there is no denying to great work to be done to rebuild relationships between Black men and women, and our families.

For February, each weekday a love story of people of color in love and committed to making it work will post. And this is a community, so please feel free to write and send stories or leads to black couples, at love@lovejoneslane.com

Cut up my V-Card, I just got laid.

2010-01-31T15:56:00.000-05:00

My bf shares his story of getting laid for the first time . . .

I remember it like it was yesterday, Oct. 14th 2009, the first time I ever got laid.

It started like any other day until I was called into a closed-door meeting w/ my director. I got a strange feeling of deja vu. It started with: “There's no easy way for me to say this...” Right there, I knew. I did my best to hold in my smile as she continued. “...We’ve had some major budget cuts and we have to let you go.” I smiled and cracked a few jokes as we went over the details and I left her office smiling from ear to ear. You see I had dreamt this whole scenario about a week before it actually happened. When I awoke I was happier than a fat kid at a cake convention.

Some of my co-workers were a little nervous as they were in line to be called in and didn’t know what to expect. They asked me what my meeting was about, but I told them it was nothing major and kept the news to myself.

By the time we had the official dept. meeting I was totally out of work mode. I had stopped my ‘to do’ list and shredded it with no intentions of looking back. At some point in the meeting one of my coworkers burst into tears as she started her farewell speech. It was pretty good, so good I found myself whispering ’end scene’ as she finished.

After the meeting I spoke with some of my coworkers and was my usual smiling joking self. Those that were staying offered their sympathy but this wasn’t a sad time for me. I felt like that guy at a funeral who tells everyone: “Don’t be sad, it’s a celebration and that’s what the deceased would want.” They didn’t know how to take my good mood. Which compounded the strangeness of it all since I was the ‘deceased’ In this case.

My last day was Friday, October 16^th, 2009. I packed my personal belongings over the preceding 2 days and even was gifted a large bottle of Hennessey as well as taken out on a final team lunch with several of my coworkers.

I was distinctly reminded of my graduation from College. A bittersweet moment in time when goodbyes are said; and although you’re happy that its over, you know things will never be the same again. With my ‘V’ card officially handed in I popped the bottle of Hennessey and poured cups for all who were up for a drink. We drank until the bottle was done. I sent my farewell email along with an important note to myself. As I walked outside to catch a cab my blackberry vibrated with a new message. It was the note I had just sent.

It said “Welcome, to the rest of your life Steph.”

Small World After All

2010-01-31T15:41:00.000-05:00

A saved post from November . . .

New York may be the capital of the world, but it's also a small town, where your boyfriend's cousin is also your best friend's boss.

You see the same people around and quickly discover mutual acquaintances when you do meet new faces.

Forget six degrees. It's two and a half.

So when it comes to careers and couples, your past can definitely be your present.

Me and the boyfriend were laughing hard earlier this week at one guy's laid off story of getting his first interview in months. He got to the office and he and the CEO kept thinking the other looked familiar. Then it clicked. The CEO was the same guy the interviewee bullied in elementary school. He was promptly escorted out with security.

Fast forward to last night and I am mingling with colleagues at a Good Hair panel, ready for a lively and hearty talk on our issues as Black women when it comes to hair, color and all the issues in between.

I take a seat and the lady behind me taps my shoulder.

"You went to Howard?" she asks.

"Yeah," I answer, having no memory of ever meeting her. She says how she remembers me and mentions a mutual acquaintance. We laugh and talk. She's originally from the city but has travelled all over the world and is back figuring her next move. She asks for my info for us to hang out sometime and I give her my email address, since I dont have my new cards yet. I tell her to email me her info, when she says she can do better. She pulls out her colorful business logo, with her info on the back.

"My boyfriend has one of your shirts," I say, eyeing the one of kind logo. The shirt is DOPE and I asked him all about when we wore it. He mentioned a t-shirt designer who was growing her business.

She looks at me inquisitively, not sure if I'm sure this is the same company.

"He went to Howard too," I share. And she perks up and asks his name. I realize I may have stumbled into TMI, as I stall, then say his name.

"Yeah, he brought one of my first designs, Tell him hello." she smiles and we eye each other at the happenstance of us sitting a row a part and how our paths have crossed.

My work buddy gets there and we settle down as the panel begins. It's amazing and so many different stories of black hair and identity are shared, and why we do what we do to our hair, a topic Chris Rock NEVER addressed. As one sister says how she hasn't gotten a promotion since going natural, Michaela Angela Davis shares how she was chased because of her natural blond thick braids, as girls surrounded her to cut them off.

Afterwards, I mingled some more and said by to former coworkers, friends and my new found t-shirt making acquaintance.

Later that night, the boyfriend and I have movie night and I break out my Phase Ten cards, as Stevie Wonder plays. It's about 3am.

I remember the t-shirt maker's hello and break out the logo card and tell him my story.

He smiles. . . Then says he use to have a thing for her.

I try and think back to what her facial reaction was when I said his name.

He's launched into their story of timing always being off, sending messages between their friends they were interested at different times, and one always having a boyfriend or girlfriend when the other was single, so they never dated.

I sigh. Glad their was no ex drama there, curious how she feels about the situation of stumbling upon me . . . and wondering if we still will grab drinks.

Back to work . . .

2010-01-17T07:27:00.000-05:00

I know it's been a minute, and please excuse the delay:) But I come bearing plenty of updates.

Right after interviewing for the job and turning in the edit test, the Christmas holidays came. Me and the boyfriend spent Christmas in New York and had a blast.

On Christmas Eve we finally saw the Xtreme Mammals exhibit at the Natural History Museum.

And two days after Christmas, we were on a train to Connecticut to celebrate his birthday at a Bed and Breakfast I found online (Im always on the prowl for a good deal and found a great one:). Then we were back in the city to celebrate New Year's Eve as one of his friends came to town.

I had an extra reason to smile as we brought in the next decade. A few hours before heading out, as snow flakes fell to the ground I got a call I had advanced to the next phase for the job and would be speaking the next week with the client I would possibly be working with.

Refelctive as 2010 began, I headed to the potential job's office for the conference call with the client. And I was feeling I overprepared, as I walked out not sure what they thought of me and thinking, "Is that it?"

And it was. Two days later I got a call and was offered the job. It felt (feels) surreal that it all happened so fast, and replying to a posting on MediaBistro has lead to so much. I didnt have long to think it over as I reviewed the offer letter, while editing the tropical clothes I was taking to Mexico the next day. I prayed, then replied to the email, and accepted the job.

At 9am the next morning I was in a cab to the airport. Along with celebrating the 26th birthday of one of my favorite people, I got some R&R in before going back to a day job.

I came back excited for an awesome new opportunity as the Social Media Editor at a fashion and beauty PR firm.

I also vowed to myself to use the knowledge I had gained with my past work experience including these promises to myslef:

1) Use EVERY Vacation Day

2) Remember perception reality, look at yourself through other people's eyes

3) Have a full life outside of your job. It will help keep everything in perspective as you work hard

4) Write down what you want out of the experience and be sure to achieve those goals

5) Always remember your worth!

Thanks for all the support!

The Moments That Defined My Decade: Lymphoma, Love, Laid Off

2009-12-31T07:01:00.011-05:00

To close out the first decade on this new millennium, I took the challenge from My Brown Baby, to write five defining moments of the last ten years. Here goes

"Welcome to the Atlanta Daily World"
I started this decade as a freshman in high school, sure I wanted to be a lawyer or a math teacher during the day and radio dj at night (even had my name . . .Lady Cha Cha which my dad still calls me:). Then I joined my school newspaper staff junior year, because I liked writing and they had long lunches. That summer I did a program with 30 students throughout Atlanta to intern at different companies.

I wanted a law firm.
Bad.
I got assigned to the local Black newspaper.

After getting over the disappointment, I looked up and was home. From calling companies to place ads to writing local arts stories, I was doing something I could see myself doing for the rest of my life.

I also learned you can't wait for opportunity to knock. I saw Andrew Young and Jackie Reed walking by our office outside, in town for the BET road tour. I ran outside and took photos with my disposable camera, and smiled bright the next week, when those pictures made the front page.

"You have Hodgkin's Lymphoma"
I have been saying I'm going to Howard U. since 8th grade. And I finally made it to my top school, with two of my best friends in 2003. I joined the newspaper staff after emailing the EIC the summer before, too naive to know no freshman were on staff. Sophomore year began, and one of my best friends back home lost her mom to Breast cancer. I came home feeling the weight of life and death. That Christmas break, at my grandmother's urging I finally checked out a little bump in my groin.

And after a biopsy, I got big news. Being diagnosed with cancer at 19, rocked my little world. As my classmates returned for the second semester, my parents drove me up to get my stuff and come home for treatment. Thankfully, after chemo, radiation and a new bald head, nine months later I was cleared to return to school. Even now, I don't enjoy returning to those memories, though it definitely made me stronger. And this decade I am pushing myself to share my story.

Empire State of Mind
I returned to college knowing intimately how short life really is, which gave me an ongoing boost to live it to the fullest. That spring I was back on track to graduate on time and was awaiting word about a magazine internship. I got the email I had been waiting for. I was accepted into Asme and had gotten my first choice of Essence Magazine. I cried. Almost a year to the day I had lost my hair, here I was about to go to New York. God is good. The next day was our magazine conference and I walked up to Essence EIC Angela Burt Murray to tell her I was coming to her magazine. She welcomed me and said with a smile, "Be ready to work hard."

And she was right. I had the time of my life and it was hell adjusting back to college life. I was in NY every chance I got, and a position opened up on their website staff right before I graduated. Four days after hearing Oprah speak to the graduating class of 2007 at Howard, I was at my desk at Essence, after finding my first apartment the night before.

Love Comes Along
I fell in love this year. Hard. And I am still getting my bearings. That balance of building something beautiful while not losing yourself is a work in progress. I had a moment a few months back, where I was feeling down, and looked to my boyfriend to fill me up.
It scared me. And I had a wake up call, that it will still always be my job to be my best friend. No one will ever treat me as good as I can treat myself. And I have worked on keeping my relationship with myself the strongest. It made me better. It made us better. And I am so enjoying the ride. We just celebrated nine months of officially going steady and went to see "Princess and the Frog." Love ya Tiana, but the real thing is so much better than a fairytale.

The Next Level
This year alone has been a defining one filled with firsts. I lost my grandmother this summer. And along with getting my first job this decade, this year I got laid off for the first time. It was a turning point in my life as I felt myself get off cruise control and return to the driver's seat of my life. I had my dream job at 24, so it was time for new dreams and new goals. And I know exactly where I want to go next. Though I still miss my grandmom, I have the greatest peace I have ever known. And I definitely did not get here alone. I have had amazing mentors in my corner and parents who really make me believe I can move mountains. Here's to a fab 2010 and beyond!!

Laid Life Benefits . . .Perky

2009-12-18T05:09:00.000-05:00

If you have to be laid off, let it be from a large company with great benefits!

Along with a decent severance to keep me afloat for a few months, I received outplacement services courtesy of my former employer.

I finally made it to the orientation program yesterday, and wish I had went earlier!

The company provides one month of one-on-one career coaching for a month, and six months of access to their career seminars, and offices you can use as needed, with printers, copiers and a 212 phone. oh my.

Working from home is great, but I do miss a fax, printer and copier at my disposal. I attended my orientation with one of my fav former coworkers, Bridgette, and two women who worked in HR at the company. There stories were especially touching . . . and shocking. Both had wind of layoffs as there department prepared, but werent aware of their own pending cuts. One even was stuffing the folders given to each laid off person, a folder she ended up getting herself. ouch. When she asked her boss, why she would be asked to do that knowing she would be cut, she was told to keep her from being suspicious of being left out . . .

After a great session, I hurried over to meet a friend of a friend's little cousin, who was a college student in town from Chicago with dreams of going in to magazines.

There is nothing like looking into the bright, hopeful eyes of someone you once were, to make you smile and realize how far you have come. She asked me about my time as a intern in the city and going from intern to editor. I told her stories of my time, and more importantly my strategy to getting hired, and being positive opportunities would come. I got up this morning looking for a picture for a blanket I want to make my mom, and stumbled on pictures from that summer (included some in this post). I smiled clicking through, knowing dreams really do come true. And it aint over yet!

About that interview

2009-12-16T15:09:00.000-05:00

Thanks for the support! The interview went great! I got down to the office right on time (I heart the D train:). Got off the elevator and the receptionist called and alerted my presence to the woman I was meeting with.

Then she looked around, picked up her flat iron and begin pressing her hair, with its blond ends and black roots. She heard footsteps from behind on the wooden floor, and quickly tucked her iron under the desk and straigtened up. The moment calmed my nerves, as another exec came to bring me back for the interview.

First up, they told me the job had shifted some from the posting I saw on Mediabistro. The added duties were even more in my lane, and I felt myself getting excited. Instead of a list of questions, after giving them copies of my resume, I was given the floor to tell them about me, and make it sound good. They shared more of the daily duties of the job, something I could definitely see myself doing with my days and thriving in.

Before I knew it, I was shaking hands and back on the streets of NY. Smiling. Not sure how they felt about me, but satisfied with my performance.

And then I felt the hunger pains from not eating breakfast (Staples became my friend that morning). I headed over to the BF's place for leftovers from the great Sunday dinner we whipped up. Cooking together is the ultimate win-win. Fun and frugal.

That night I got my socialite on, hitting an alumni party for former employees at my old job, and then the cocktail party for A Belle in Brooklyn. It was great to see old and new faces at both! That's me and Elaine at Belle's event, where she thanked me for inviting her to my bookclub meeting her first weekend in NY - where she met her best friend in New York till this day. Just a testament to being good to others and it comes right back.

And things just kept on getting interesting. Tuesday I saw another voicemail on my phone. Again I had missed a call from the company!! I know, i know.

I called back and was informed I was one of four finalists for the job, and needed to complete an edit test in 24 hours to possibly make it to the next round of two people, one to be picked for the job. I was ready for the test and she sent it over.

It was . . .intense. I started my research and then it was time to head to a CNN networking reception with exes and journalists of color.

I got there and was excited to see a mentor/homie who had helped show me the ropes in NY. We caught up and she told me she had been on an interview the day before, and gave a description of the job . . .and I named the company. Yep, she had interviewed for the same position and also was a final four. We both felt good that if we didnt get it, we hoped the other did.

After meeting amazing folks at CNN, I headed home. It was time to get to work on the edit test. I overthunk some parts and made it a little harder for myself than i had to, but today, as the deadline neared, I hit send and felt good. We shall see . . .

Interview Prep

2009-12-13T15:20:00.001-05:00

So, Im going on my first post-laid interview tomorrow.

An interview that almost didnt happen.

In a dream in the wee morning hours of Thursday morning, a friend told me he would come by since I didnt check my voicemails. I humphed and rolled over. Woke up around 4 am and grabbed my phone.

Three messages.

There was a cousin of a friend asking if I had time to check over his resume. A sweet mom VM.

And then there was one from Tuesday, as a woman with a fun British accent invited me to come interview for a job I saw on mediabistro. I smiled, then cringed. It was two days later, the day she wanted to start interviewing folks and I was kicking myself for just hearing her message.

Later that morning, once a decent hour arrived, I called her office. It took 15 minutes to get to her extension as the company's automatic receptionist asked me to press in letters on the phone - letters totally different on a Blackberry. Finally I got her extension! . . . and the voicemail picked up. I left a message. And in the mean time dusted off the job description and email I sent to her weeks earlier, to see what exactly I was asking to do. I smiled and started researching the company and ideas for how I would execute, if offered the position.

I havent applied for many fulltime jobs, as I'm not in a rush to take on someone else's dream and only applying for jobs I want to spend my days doing. But I have been wanting to interview, just to stay sharp and see if I got "it."

She called back and invitied me in tomorrow. Bring resumes and clips.

So outside the mental prep with resumes and research, its the image plan.

What to wear? And for a hair hopper like me, how to style these tresses?

Im going for exciting earrings, and trading the wild wet and wavy for a slicked back ponytail. Black tights and black skirt and top.

Ill be back with full details!

Happy Holidays

2009-12-11T15:30:00.000-05:00

Excuse the hiatus! I went on a 10 day trip home to Atlanta followed by a little soul searching. The feedback has been great for the blog as friends and strangers alike share their like of the concept. Thanks much!

But then I had my doubts.

A) I didnt want to seem ungrateful of the phenomenal opportunity I had at my first job. I got my dream job at 23! And I had a great run. I am also never one to wallow, so when the pink slip came, I was already mentally on to the next phase of my life (my futuristic aquarius ways)

B) I didnt want to be branded as the laid off girl, or to wrap my identity in what could be a temporary thing. But after tweaking the header to reflect that fact we are making the most of a situatuion we didnt choose, I am ready to move full speed blogging, and boy do I have stories.

So "home" in Atlanta was many things. Great to see the family! Crazy hosting a princess slumber party for my ten year old sister and her 10 year old friends! Kicked myself for booking a trip sooo lonnng! By day five, i was ready to get back to Harlem. . .

It was the first time I visited Atlanta, and didn't have serious thoughts on moving back sooner than later.

It was the first time I felt like a visitor in a place that much of my mail still goes to.

It was the first time my mother had news on me she felt needed a press release for.

"So, what should I tell people?" she asked reluctantly when talking about me being laid off.

I laughed. "The truth mom, the truth." I was laid off. A fact Im not embarrassed about. Im still me. Im doing fine financially and doing some consulting that brings in steady checks, alongside severance.

And finding a speech I shared at a youth program in the city the year before made me smile. The theme was Solid as a Rock, and I talked about my then job and though cool, I couldnt build my foundation on something that could be taken away. I couldnt wrap my identity in something not eternal. because if taken away, I still had to be me. Not any less cool. God has such a sense of humor.

So Im back for daily updates on the laid life (including my first job interview next week, the first in more than a year) and nudging the BF to share more of his stories . . . while I was eating hot wings and watching cable in Atlanta, he was hitting up the Fela premiere dapping Jay-Z and Questlove, Im not jealous . . .really.

And speaking of Jay-Z, I blame his wifey Beyonce for the grown poses my lil sis and co had at the party!!!!

Dinners, Luncheons and Dancing, Oh My

2009-11-20T15:32:00.000-05:00

So when the laid news came, the flood gates opened for great events.

After some birthday parties, happy hours, and the Wendy show, Tuesday I went to a luncheon at the Paley Center with 50 AMAZING women, to discuss ways the media can help mobilize women and girls around the globe.

And when I say amazing, I mean leaders of top outlets like Lifetime (who is on a serious come up!! LOVE Sherri), and my buddy Courtney from Feministing sitting next to Donna Karan at the table ahead of me. Aside from making great clothes and scents, she had some innovative ideas on healthcare.

And just as I felt myself shrinking in my seat from being around such powerful women, Gayle King waltzes in.

After a great pow wow luncheon, there is mingling. I try to get to Gayle to say hello but she keeps getting stopped and I keep mingling so Im not hovering - no one likes a helicopter. I see her grab her bag and begin to head out. I sigh at the missed moment when she whips around and taps me and waves like we're old friends. Wow, I think. (OWN is also on my lists of businesses Im watching closely). She says how pretty my skin is. I compliment her on her pretty purple dress and she jets out.

I floated back home and worked on my personal website, inspired to make moves.

The next night I went to a dinner Columbia's Graduate School of Journalism hosted, honoring an amazing newspaper reporter who saved lives in Chicago by exposing the great errors of capital punishment cases there. Walking on the campus, it took me back days on the Yard, running around campus covering events for the school paper and researching papers (Im a nerd and was lucky to do papers on issues I wanted to know more about).

Just because Im laid, doesnt seem like the social calendar is cooling off . . . with ten days home in Atlanta next week!

And it just has been a reminder on the importance on building real relationships versus a contact or grabbing a card. Staying in touch with great people has doors opening.

-CJ

(Thats me partying at my friend's surprise birthday party the night after being laid . . . thought it was my coming out party . . .and no, thankfully there is no name for that awful dance:)

How you doin?

2009-11-18T15:33:00.000-05:00

Not so good.

I wrote this whole post on going to the Wendy Williams show and it somehow has disappeared. Ah well, the post must go on.

Thats me, my work buddy Jocelyn, left and her buddy. Minutes after we learned most of our team had been axed, she asked me to come along to the show, as she celebrated her BIG 3-0!

Bright colors, sequins, animal print and long hair were everywhere! And the set made me smile.

I actually interviewed Wendy over the summer while she was on the treadmill, to talk about her new show:)

And as her swole husband/fellow producer walked around, he gave her no nod when she thought of belting the football jersey for a show promo for Charlotte. A fellow sinched waist fan I see:) Her stylist opted for a clip in the back to tighten the look.

Late Night Laugh

2009-11-14T18:54:00.001-05:00

I heart Gabby Sidibie. Seeing her on Conan's couch makes me smile. She's plus, sized, chocolate, and you totally fall in love with her.

She was also the last interview I conducted at my old gig. I was laid off the day before it was to be turned in, so technically I didnt have to write it up as many of my coworkers shut down right after getting the news.

But of course I did because Precious is a story of many nameless and faceless girls around the country, and Gabby was an enigma I wanted to share, as she was just like and nothing like Precious at the same time. We laughed at her purple obsession and her living with two HOTTIES, including the guy from Precious's fantasy scenes. She giggles with Conan on her N'Sync obsession. For girls like Precious, it's great to see the glow of Gabby. Oscars better recognize . . .

With Free Time Comes Thoughts on Infidelity

2009-11-14T15:34:00.000-05:00

So being laid, has given me a chance to not only wallow in my bed, but also my thoughts as I get off of cruise control.

This morning me and the bf had the best heart to heart on church, religion and spirituality (three totally different things) that we have had in months.

Now I'm sitting in my apartment alone, working on my own website. And I feel a tightness in my chest, as A Keys belts out.

Alicia Keys's "Nothing Even Matters" is my jam. But with this new feeling me, I consciously feel what my subconscious has long felt: Not you too Alicia!!

I'm not extra old fashioned when it comes to matters of the heart and open to the many ways love can come knocking.

But a married man is married until he's not.

I didn't rush to judgement on the Alicia Keys/Swiss Beatz love triangle rumors, hoping she would say, miss girl power respects women enough not to go after another woman's man. But the pictures and a personal note from his ex-wife, have made it harder to ignore, especially as Alicia makes the rounds to sell the new album on love, mute on her own love life. I was flipping through People on the train yesterday and there she was being recognized for the great work she does for children with AIDS. That's the Alicia I am happy to have as my little sister's idol. Not the one rumored of home-wrecking.

I don't think celebrities should be held to a higher moral code or the sole role models of kids, but dating someone who is single isn't too much ask.

And if you brand yourself as the superwoman shero, it's not a stretch that married men not be a part of your dating pool.

At least let the ink dry before you swoop in. This goes to Gabby too. Your lack of discretion does a national nod to it being ok to mess with another woman's man.

I was a volunteer for an organization doing amazing things and building a charter school for orphans. So learning the founder was dating and had a child by a prominent and married business man who I admired was offputting. I think she is amazing and her child a doll, but any way you slice it, it is stll messy and having a relationship with another woman's husband.

Of course you can say the relationship was over before you got there and that he's not emotionally involved with her, but if you have to have that many excuses for your love is it really that right?

You didnt take those vows, but he did and is still technically someone's husband. A married man can't cheat if their aren't women who join the party. We all deserve more.

Date Night

2009-11-10T15:43:00.000-05:00

Let's be real . . . the laid life still costs money.

Severance is nice and having side projects helps, but you still gotta save for a rainy day, and in the laid life the umbrella is your expense.

So that means we are all about the fun freebies!!

I went to my first opera at Carnegie Hall Saturday night - free!

So, I may have watched too many movies getting all black tie glam when some dress pants and a top would do, I saw from the crowd . . . :)

And last night me and the bf checked out a staged reading of Illmatic by our friend Shaun Neblett, coordinated by his girlfriend and fab publicist Thysha Shabazz, my plus one for the opera who was fab in sequin tights!

The play is inspired by Nas's classic album. We had a blast listening to Shaun's amazing writing and drinking wine . . . at no cost. Thysha has had me inspired to get on my indepedent consultant grind, as she runs her own PR firm from her sexy Harlem studio. It's not easy, having how much you eat depend on how hard you hustle, but it's definitely fulfilling!

After the show, we headed to the meatpacking district to grab dinner at the diner. My old editor put me on to their veggie burgers and Ive been hooked since. Unfortunately, they were so good, I went right to sleep when we got in, ending the part two of the night which was scary movie time. Tomorrow is another day.

We're not sacrificing date night because of our laid status. Just being smart and staying connected (as I type, just got a text for free mani/pedis on Lower East Side:)

Send those freebies our way!!

I Got Laid

2009-11-10T13:04:00.003-05:00

tis true, I got laid, and Im loving it!

I got laid off from my first job . . .

I was ready and am embracing the opportunity to go full throttle with the things that make me happy and fulfilled.

And as it seems to be with the story of my life, their is a juicy story.

The coworkers and I read the day before all the news of company wide layoffs, and after a streamline of the work of the department, we knew our department would somehow be cut.

Well, after the majority of our team was sliced and popping bottles and eating sweet potato, i headed to Saks with a coworker for a special event with Maya Angelo.

"Nice to meet you Ms. Jackson" she said, with her warm hand around mine.

Her quotes were pinned in my cube, on my mirror and the bottom of my emails. Her life has touched MILLIONS. I was spellbound and grinning at such a day for me.

Laid off for the first time from my first job out of college. Excited for the rest of my life.

And I have been settling into my new life (watching some daytime TV . . .How you doin Wendy:), making plans for the future and enjoying a moment to have the summer I skipped to go to work.

Me and the bf have even started a new blog to share our laid off life stories as we pursue our passions and live life to the fullest.

see the latest posts and please email your stories to post: http://www.gotlaidco.com/

Change We Can Believe In

2009-11-09T15:48:00.000-05:00

Change came to America on November 4, 2008.

And on the one year anniversary of president obama's election, change came for me and the majority of the web team I worked for, when we all got laid.

Was I ready for being told This Is It. Yes.

Was I ready for the way it happened? Not even.

I got up that morning and dressed in my fly girl best, in case my name was called. I knew I was making a contribution to the team, but I also read gawker, the New York Times and other outlets to know company wide, they were slicing hundreds of heads.

And in my department, things had recently been streamlined, so less workers could get things done.

We usually had a morning meeting, but were told it would start late because the number two was running behind. Walking to my cube it clicked that the "spring cleaning" of a senior person of her entire office may have been preparing for this day - and not just a routine clean.

She confirmed the news as her and her protege backed their offices and shut down, after officially being told they were laid.

I sat at my desk. An aim window popped up from one of my best work buddies.

"They let me go."

What?? How? I didnt even see her get up OR come back??

My heart pumped with a mixture of emotions. Sadness for seeing her go, peace for her bright future ahead and wonder if I would be called soon. "Don't leave me!" I wanted to type

We aimed and I talked with another coworker. Then I tried to start working.

Another window popped up.

"I'm outta here" messaged the other work homie I just was talking to.

Again, I didnt even see him get up or sit down, and in ten minutes he had gotten the news.

What is going on??

The two get up thinking they are the cut two of our crew and head off to chat. Im bummmmedd. I was prepared to be laid off, but not for the reality of working without two of my favorite people there.

I run into the office of my big sis of the office. We started at the same time and were the longest ones there of our small team.

I tell her I cant believe what is happening.

She sighs and says "Yep, today is my last day"

I reel back. "What?? I came to tell you about the other two! I didnt know you were laid off too. what is going on?" We talk. Just as I say "I better get called too." my phone rings. I run over and know its THE call. I smile and grab my notepad and pen for the green mile.

The chat is pleasent and my former boss and a company exec exclaim at how calm and bubbly I seem. Guess my peace shined through (which they could appreciated as ?I heard later everyone's chat wasnt as peacful . . .)

Back at my desk I look around and we all realize we had all been laid off. 14 out of 18 people.

And then the party begins! Everyone is packing up, as sweet potato pie and cheesecake are served. Bottles are popped and someone even breaks out their bottle of Hennessey Black for the special occassion.

I call the boyfriend, who had been laid exactly three weeks prior, that I was joining the team!

pic: That's me two years ago at the beginning of my first job journey.

Oprah Did What?

2009-10-08T15:43:00.003-04:00

You've heard the news. Oprah went on her show and laughed about being blackmailed for having multiple relationships with young people on her staff just hoping for a break. Many right out of college.

Guests give her high fives for being such a player in middle age - though she is in a relationship.
Her ratings go up as more people tune in to her one woman show of workplace romances and she's on the cover of magazines for how she is dodging such a big bullet.

Oh wait. That wasnt Oprah. That was David Letterman.

Because if Oprah, who is not married like Letterman is, had been having sex with young staffers it would have been treated as an abomination even for the Queen of Media. No one would be laughing along with her as she confessed to multiple trysts.

So why is Letterman getting such a pass for cheating on his wife at work with young impressionable women? Why is that so cool?

Dont tell me racism and sexism dont exist.

Dont Live For Them

2009-09-30T13:43:00.004-04:00

I have this theory that I mostly keep to myself, but our First Lady made me want to share.

Real Talk From Reah: Parents, don't fall too deeply in love with your kids.

Yes, you should love them and want more for them and make sacrifices to provide for them. But you cant stop living your life or indulging your interests. Because though you birth them, kids aren't possessions that you will control forever and they have their own life to go off and live. So if you are only living for them, what happens when they go start their own family? Love them and help shape them to make the most of their own life - while continuing to love yourself.

So seeing Mrs. O's quote on feministing from Prevention magazine made me smile, on learning what not to do from her mom, which is to sacrifice your entire being for your kids:

"She'd say being a good mother isn't all about sacrificing. It's really investing and putting yourself higher on your priority list."
"Throughout my life, I've learned to make choices that make me happy and make sense for me. . . So I have freed myself to put me on the priority list and say, yes, I can make choices that make me happy, and it will ripple and benefit my kids, my husband and my physical health."

"That's hard for women to own. We're not taught to do that. It's a lesson that I want to teach my girls."
See why I heart her?

Faithful in the NFL

2009-09-29T14:30:00.003-04:00

Gasp. There are good guys who happen to play a sport for a living. And I had the pleasure of interviewing one.

Meet Thomas Jones, everything you thought an NFL player wasn't.

Yeah, he rocks the big diamonds, Gucci belts and plenty of tats. But he's also finishing his Master's degree in Education, and still says yes ma'am and no sir to his parents - who happen to be married for 35 years and raised seven kids (they had to take two trips to church on Sundays to get everybody there in their one car).

He has shown his little brother the ropes, who also plays professional football, and shares proudly how happy he was to retire his mom, after she worked 20 years in a Virgina coal mine.

As I sat and chatted with this man, I was estatic to see guys like him existed and hope more people encounter Black men like that - who credit their dads for their success (Niema has a great post on the impact a good day makes up now), who give back till it hurts a little, know where to give credit for the success to, and appreciate the love of a strong and spiritual woman - his happens to be actress Megan Good.

He's not perfect. But he is trying his best and making a difference.

Gotta Have It

2009-09-28T15:37:00.003-04:00

I need this series on DVD in my life!

Did some serious digging for a gallery of Black couples on sitcoms today and came back across Jill Scott in Botswana in "The No.1 Ladies Detective Agency." I didnt have HBO when it was on the air and now really want to see. Found out it is on DVD - at $50. Mamas working on being a better budgeter (saving for the big things) so this has to wait a little. And if you want it for a gift, I wont mind at all:)

But the tough time I had finding Black couples on TV made me sad - and miss all the shows that have come and gone. (Cosbys, Different World, Family Matters, Fresh Prince, In The House, Sister, Sister, Amen, Girlfriends, Martin, The Parkers, Moesha, Everybody Hates Chris, shoot - Id even take Out All Night with Morris Chestnut's sexy behind)

So excited for Sherri Shepherd's new sitcom on Lifetime. Theo . . .I mean Malcolm Jamal Warner plays her ex-husband. I stopped by the set of the show to interview her about her weight loss and realized how much I missed Black sitcoms still on the air.

I mean, for a lot of people the Cosbys were one of few examples of happily married Black couples they knew. Just imagine if those reruns werent on now, what would the kids have to see?

Cupid Doesn't Lie

2009-09-24T11:18:00.005-04:00

"I just went on a date," I said, all giddy on the phone.

My boyfriend wasn't as amused on the other end, as he called last week to see if I was wrapping up at work.

He asked if I was going to elaborate. I relayed the fun afternoon of coordinating a date for actress Yvette Nicole Brown - her first blind date.

She had dropped by the office earlier in the week discussing her new show "Community" on NBC. Of course we had to ask how the dating scene was going in Los Angeles. She was candid on the lack of interest men give women with natural hair and curves in Hollywood. She also mentioned how much she was enjoying the attention from guys in New York, and being called 'sis.' So we took the bait and asked to set her up on a date.

Me and the fab BB went through our rolodexes for men and I stumbled on a possible great guy. Poet and professor Mo Beasely. I met him at Howard's Kwanzaa event (who doesn't love a Bison man:), and loved his energy. And the man can sure write and perform a poem. I called and he was right up her alley, 41 and up for a fun and no pressure or strings date.

After appearing on Wendy William's show last Thursday, Yvette came on by the office. And while on the show Wendy of course asked her about dating, and Yvette slid in we were hooking her up!

We chatted withYvette about dating, passed her some beauty goodies, talked natural hair, showed her picture of Mo who she thought was Cute and then it was time for the date! We walked over to the restaurant and I went to meet Mo. He looked great walking up and was excited to meet this down sister. He walked in and the two embraced like old friends and were off to their date. We sat giddy at the bar as they headed off and enjoyed an afternoon lunch, for Yvette had to head to a acting gig. I felt like cupid:)

Monday, Yvette called into the Wendy Williams show and described the date, and meeting Mo. Then today Wendy shouted out the date photos and story featured on Essence.com.

Bang, Bang. Cupid just bought a gun, as the homie Hal Linton says. Saw him this week at Singersroom.com event on Bowery with my fellow GA peach Bethani. Good times. Love does make your soul crawl out from its hiding place, as Dr. Angelou says and we gotta something different if we want new results in our love lives! For Yvette, it was her first blind date!!

Music by Singersroom.com | More on Hal Linton

A Woman's Work

2009-09-20T12:10:00.000-04:00

So, I have been itching to post about the amazing time and life changing experience I had at the Women + Power Conference at Omega.

I met phenomenal women from around the country, and was definitely humbled and jolted by their passion and action to change the world.

It reminded me of the power in us all to make a difference - something I had almost forgotten. And that everyday people make change. People like Gloria Steinem, Helen Thomas, Elizabeth Lesser and Isabel Allende who still make themselves laugh.

And I was more certain than ever of my mission to do my little part in this big world. My mission is doing my part to help build stronger couples and relationships, which are the root of strong families and communities.

Helen Thomas at 89, is still covering the U.S. President, a job she has done for every President since JFK. I just was soaking up her knowledge. She didn't sugar coat the facts of women losing some of our inate humility and compassion to play with the big boys in Washington. Much like the quote the mesmerizing Elizabeth Lesser shared by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic. Power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice, and justice at its best is power correcting everything that stands against love."
— Martin Luther King Jr.

Hair Hoppin'

2009-09-02T10:46:00.008-04:00

Last night I had a ball at Eniola's bday party at Aspen on 22nd. Walking to the spot I see Catch 22 is closed. Wasnt I just there for a Harlem Heights event in the spring? Time's a changing . . .

And this picture made me think of a topic early at work: the phrase Hair Hoppers. Our fashion and beauty editor wanted to know if I thought it would be offensive. Not at all. I am the queen of Hair Hopping. I go straight, curly, long pony tail, tight puff, and sometimes all in one week.

Its no secret I LOVE Living Single and coined this my Regine season about a year ago, fully allowing myself to try out new styles and mix and mingle with new guys at my fancy (cue Lorraine Hansberry's quote;).

So I did check out of the dating scene but my hair hopping continues, especially in the transition i find myself in returning back to natural hair, after a short perm stint.

Im giving my hair a break and been rocking a full sew-in that I got right before Puerto Rico to be able to swim at will with none of the Black woman hair holdups. It brings me back to getting crochet braids for a full year in 6th grade. My BFF still loves to laugh at those days and my braids, but you couldnt tell me a thing as I went every six weeks like clock work to get my real hair cornrowed and each braid literally crocheted to my cornrow. It took my short and damaged hair to down past my shoulders and my hair was healthy and blowing by the time I headed to middle school for 7th grade. thanks Ms. Sheila:)

Which also brings me to my issue with all this hoopla over Tyra Banks wearing just her natural next week . . .anyone who has had ll there hair cornrowed will tell you how much their hair grew. So five years of having most of your hair stored to grow and get healthy has me believing her hair will be looking long, and close to her usual do, thanks to her tight weave cycle . . .we shall see . . .

For now I'm continuing my hair hopping

Feminist, Me?

2009-08-31T03:57:00.005-04:00

God definitely works in mysterious ways, and when we get out of our own way, the real magic begins.

Last fall, as the country braced itself for an imminent recession, I brainstormed on new ways to bring in some more money. One was public speaking, something I did a lot more of before college and still enjoyed.

Shortly after, I got an email from Omega in upstate New York to come be a speaker at their big Women & Power conference in September 2009. I had been recommended by Marcia Gilespie, former EIC of Essence and Ms. Magazines who had taken me under her wing when i needed it the most. Away from my own mom and grandmom in a cold city, I found solace in her round smile and quick wit. A few days later a lady called to fill me in on the details, and we chatted, as I sat in the lobby of the nursing home my grandmother was staying in as she recovered from a fall.

Before she could barely get the words I agreed to be a part of a segment on young feminist today. With my threaded eye brows (beauty really can be a pain) and pearl earrings, I dont mind at all to be labeled a feminist, or any "ist" that's about equal rights for all people. . . .

I wrote an essay about my journey to feminism for the blog Feministing Here's a snippet:

I stumbled into feminism through the back door. And honestly, I am still finding my footing. Growing up in a Black neighborhood in Atlanta's suburbs, going to Black schools, having Black ballet teachers and dentists, I was always exposed to women in powerful positions while being educated on the historical struggles of my people. So the thought that I could be denied things for my gender in this day was a slow one.

It was a big eye-opener to begin to network with powerful women journalists right out of college and be schooled on how recent many breakthroughs for women are in the business and still how far we have to go. Instead of being so tuned in to the lack of Black people in power at a company, network or editorial page, I was also counting the few women too. I left my Black bubble and came back to Earth, where women were only in bigger numbers when it came to births.

I had a new underdog that I was looking at in the mirror and millions of faces around the globe.

Hearing the heartbreaking story of an eight-year-old girl raped then shunned by her family keeps me pushing for change and for women of all walks to have our humanity. Watching young girls blame Rihanna for being attacked by her boyfriend keeps me hosting woman to woman chats with young ladies in the making. Witnessing our Secretary of State called a school girl and her husband step in to help bring women journalists home keeps me rolling up my sleeves.

Oh wait, I'm not wearing any sleeves, much like our fierce First Lady Michelle Obama who has weathered the storm in the mainstream on what it means to be a strong woman and a strong Black woman with grace. I am little late to the table, so I'm ready to make up for lost time.

It's not too late to register and go:)

The Wayward Blogger Returns

2009-08-24T23:06:00.000-04:00

Back from vacay . . .

That's me and Sherlock sipping daquiris in Puerto Rico. It was just what the doctor ordered. I woke up early most mornings, watched a little TV and took in the amazing view. I could see both waves and mountains from the balcont. Then it was on to swimming and a daquiri;)

They say traveling with someone is a true test and after five days of just me and him, I was still smiling, and the day after our return we finally checked out The Orphan, which I had been dying to see. Thankful I have somebody who gets me (even in all my forgetfulness . . .) Maybe its meant to be forever. Maybe its meant to be till tomorrow. Either, thankful for the time I do have.

And I strongly urge anyone to do timeshare or resort tours for nice freebies. We got a free couple's massage and a voucher for a three day stay at a Wyndham of our choosing around the country for a presentation, we didnt even have to end up seeing. I booked the appointment for the massages, and we got there they had filled it our for Mr. and Mrs. Jackson. Feminism at its best:)

But our layover on the way back tried to take the cake of the defining moment of the trip. We stopped in Atlanta, so dinner with the parents ensued, with my little sister, 10, along and her bff. My parents are the most functional divorced couple I know. If my sister's friend putting her on blast for being single and "lonely" werent comedy enough, my parents were in rare form. My mom had everybody rolling with my childhood stories of being greedy, and had a good one of her own on walking into the men's restroom unknowlingly and a stranger getting her reaction on a camera. She replied she hoped it wasnt on YouTube. 20 minutes later, Sherlock is working away on the BB. He shares all clear on mom's bathroom story on YouTube.

Then it was time for dad. Somehow he spills to Sherlock a Wall of Respect he's working on in his 25 ft hallway (I never thought it was that long). Along with posters of Jackie Robinson and Willie Mays, he plans to have a certain deity on a cross at the center of the hall. Yes, that one. And i wish I were playing;) Gotta love the family.

So, I am getting back in my blogger grove with photos and more . . .
All the PR Pics here.

Full Moon

2009-08-05T22:35:00.003-04:00

That's what my boss quoted for a overflowing day and I agree. As I type at my desk, Sherlock is on the phone and shares details from his interesting day (read: airs his frustrations from incompetent coworkers, that's what girlfriends are for)

And I just am trying to not let anything slip through the cracks as I scurry along. Went to family reunion over the weekend which was a lot of fun, but meant getting everything done before hand to get out and have a good time.

I ate. I ate. I ATE. Fried fish, okra, peas, mac and cheese, BBQ chicken, watermelon and the rest. My dad had put out the word on the new boy and all wanted details. it is absolutely hilarious to me how my dating life and my dad's have parallelled in the last few years. We both were in the first few dates phase two years back and it was like talking to one of my girlfriends as I told details and he did the same. That feeling of your heart beating and you lips smiling when you are feeling on the way to possibly being in love isnt just for kids. As he drove me to the airport Sunday, he asked more questions on Sherlock and I told him of a chance to meet him in a few weeks. On our layover, coming back from Puerto Rico.

My dad was happy we were happy and shared of his own recent trip with his girlfriend a few weeks before to the beach.

My mom's response the day earlier was a little different. A few months back I mistakenly let it slip we were thinking of going to Jamaica. In that way parents jokingly say something but mean it she said he did not have her permission to take me out of the country. I respect her too much to remind her Im a little grown. I may think Im Miss Independent who got her own, but mom quickly reminds me Im baby girl.

So thats how I started the talk after Friday night's fish fry. I respect your wishes, so we are going to Puerto Rico, a US Territory. HA. And yes I know I probably will remember this moment when my own daughter finds a loophole in my words. Though she wasnt ecstatic, she was happy for me and to meet this guy all the way up in NY hanging with her only daughter.

Back at the office this week has been flying.

Today walked Eva Marcille around the office and was cracking up as her and her hair stylist knew all the words for "Tardy for the Party," Kim's song from the Atlanta Housewives.

Time to head out . ..
*picture of me and my lil cousin lil Wayne (he's a junior. HA) He writes and sings his own music. he's six;)

Fabulous and Single

2009-07-30T22:22:00.002-04:00

I adore Tai Beauchamp and was excited to feature my mentor and friend with her new show "Holidate," airing on SoapNet on Wednesdays.

For our interview we got into why someone as fabulous, accomplished and gorgeous was single - and how annoying it is for someone to ask you why you are single when its not a disease, just a simple circumstance of not yet meeting that somebody special.

A couple of months back I attended a Alvin Ailey African dance class one Saturday morning with her and another fabulous young woman in the city. Afterwards, we grabbed lunch and great girl talk ensued. I gushed on Sherlock. Tai told me she had been engage when she was around the age I am now and how she called it off, knowing she wasnt ready to make that step. She shared how much more growing she has done since then and now she is the person she would want to be for a partner. Along with pancakes, I nibbled on her food for thought.

*That's her with the fab bangs at a dinner two years ago she hosted for young women in media. Good times

About Last Night

2009-07-21T14:04:00.004-04:00

Had dinner with my beloved Mikey last night.

He met me at work. I was so excited to see him we started holding hands and crossed the street. I saw my coworkers KB and Tracey, and we stopped and said hello. I told KB this was the infamous Michael I told her about, my gay best friend. She smiled and started laughing. Then belted "Ohh, I was thinking, that ain't her man." We all laughed and she said how she was ready to go with whatever I said, as far a story on who he was. We went on and reverted back to our summer 2006 ways, laughing and telling stories over thai at Cafetasia. I could see my own growth through his eyes. I was proud to see his, after moving to Los Angeles quickly and never looking back. Only thing constant really is change:)

Moving on Up (well, actually down)

2009-07-15T23:48:00.000-04:00

So, again back to sporadic posting. A LOT has been going down. First up, Im happy to report I moved into my first apartment where I am the ONLY tenant over the weekend. It all happened rather quickly. At the beginning of summer I thought it might be time to move on my own, then Grandma passed and new boss at work, and I forgot about it. Until i was looking at one month until my lease was up at the end of July. I wanted to live below 125th st is possible, and stumbled upon an awesome deal of apartments being rented in a building on 121st St. My income was enough. My credit was good. I signed the doted line all by myself. The day I saw the apartment I happen to run into my friend KLA who lives right around the corner. She treated me to Sangaria across the street at Nectar. SO exciting to have place to eat and drink in the neighborhood other than chinese and halaal.

Today my first movers flaked, got some new ones to come a few hours later and all my stuff was moved in enough time for me to still make it to BK for the annual block party. Awesome weekend, with old friends and new beginnings

Meet with Mitzi . .

2009-07-14T07:58:00.002-04:00

So it never was celebrities I wanted to be when I grew up. It was people in the media. And all through high school I was enthralled with the life of one magazine editor: Mitzi Miller. She did the Roadtrippin' column in Honey and the ultimate friend in my head.

Fast foward a few years and I have politely stalked my way into her life and consider a dear mentor and she's having a book signing in NYC, for her teen series HOTLANTA, co-written with Denene Millner. Check it out . . .

read her message below . . .

Big HOTLANTA day tomorrow afternoon party people!!

From 4-6pm, yours truly will be shaking hands, taking pictures and signing copies of HOTLANTA at theNAACP's Centennial Convention's s Author's Pavilion: 100 Years, 100 Authors.

I'll be in the company of 9 other illustrious children and teen authors including: Deborah Gregory (Cheetah Girls), L. Divine (Drama High) and even former NY Giant Tiki Barber (don't ask me what he books wrote, all I know is the man is FINE).

Seriously? I'm SOSOSOSO excited! I done went and got me a new dress and everything.

Oh and the best part? The event is free and open to public!!! WOO HOO we love the Free, Free, Free!

So if you're gonna be in the midtown NYC area- or know someone who will- here's the addy. Puh-lease come out, show some love and watch mama get her award-winning author ON.

New York Hilton

1335 Avenue of the Americas

Btwn W. 53rd and W. 54th

July 14th

4-6p

Feel the Love

2009-07-08T21:16:00.000-04:00

Before I stepped off the plane, I could feel the spirit of the ESSENCE Music Festival. Girls raising the question of why as they strutted through the airport in bright colored-sky high stilettos. Celebrities shuffling to the private lounge. I see you D-Nice, Salt, and Queen Latifah. Aboard Soul Plane I go. Round-the-way girls debating who sits with Queen Latifah in First Class as she casually flips through People in her ball cap and sneaks. Flight attendent apologies for lateness of flight. Brother requests a drink and wings to make up for it.

Three hours in the middle seat. Finally I am there. The suffocating heat hits me. Im in love.

The weekend was amazing just seeing the overwhelming numbers of people out for empowerment and quality entertainment. I was energized and humbled. Beyonce and Maxwell. Yes, yes, they KILLED, even with Maxwell's lateness.

In the superlounge waiting for Ledisi, I turn around and my first best friend in life in standing there with her sister. So great to see her and just another reason to love the festival.

I ate seafood everyday from oyster platters, bbq oystsers, to shrimp po boys and platters. Rode around the city with a friend from college and got a big kick out of getting Daquiris at a drive through spot that just sells drinks.

I sweated. Man it's hot. Conquered French Quarter and plotted places for my next trip, hopefully with the boy, since its so romantic there.

I was taken aback and excited to see Black people in every job. My hotel housekeeper?somebody's nana. My taxi drivers? Black men and women plus a gold tooth or two

Dollars well spent in the bayou. Eyes wide open and time to step it up

Maya Rocks My World

2009-07-07T16:39:00.002-04:00

Michael Jackson's service was definitely fit for a king. Momma Maya's Poem, Stevie and JHud's singing and the heartbreaking words by Paris on her dad and being comforted by Aunt Janet all made my cup run over . . .

"We Had Him"

By Maya Angelo

Beloveds, now we know that we know nothing, now that our bright and shining star can slip away from our fingertips like a puff of summer wind.

Without notice, our dear love can escape our doting embrace. Sing our songs among the stars and walk our dances across the face of the moon.

In the instant that Michael is gone, we know nothing. No clocks can tell time. No ocean's can rush our tides with the abrupt absence of our treasure.

Though we are many, each of us is achingly alone, piercingly alone.

Only when we confess our confusion can we remember that he was a gift to us and we did have him.

He came to us from the creator, trailing creativity in abundance.

Despite the anguish, his life was sheathed in mother love, family love, and survived and did more than that.

He thrived with passion and compassion, humor and style. We had him whether we know who he was or did not know, he was ours and we were his.

We had him, beautiful, delighting our eyes.

His hat, aslant over his brow, and took a pose on his toes for all of us.

And we laughed and stomped our feet for him.

We were enchanted with his passion because he held nothing. He gave us all he had been given.

Today in Tokyo, beneath the Eiffel Tower, in Ghana's Black Star Square.

In Johannesburg and Pittsburgh, in Birmingham, Alabama, and Birmingham, England

We are missing Michael.

But we do know we had him, and we are the world.

Another One Bites the Dust

2009-06-30T18:33:00.003-04:00

I'm tired of writing posts about magazines folding (Jane, Teen People, Cosmogirl, Elle Girl, Vibe Vixen, King) that particularly cater to the young and the Black. Times a changing . . .

Mommy's Having a Baby

2009-06-30T12:37:00.003-04:00

I woke up feeling kind of weird over the weekend. My mother, pregnant? was the first thought in my head after a rather detailed dream where mom dukes, holding it down in her late 50s, was preggers.
Yesterday I called my brother's girlfriend, who I hadnt talked to since my big fight with the brother in April. She text messaged me back that she was cool, though her back and neck were hurting. We talked some more. I got off the phone and immediately thought, could she be pregnant? Was there something she was hinting at with the soreness claim? From our first meeting, I knew she was in it for the long haul with my bro. She shared she was ready for another baby before long so her five-year-old daughter wouldnt be too much older. of course the fact that I am a few months older than her freaked me out a little, since she was so domesticated.

Tonight I finally googled any possible meanings to that crazy dream of my mom being with child. Seems when you dream someone close to you is pregnant it usually is someone else. I'm itching to ask. Stay tuned . . .

Cashflow Dollar

2009-06-28T11:44:00.000-04:00

So, I didn't make it to church today with my pastor being away, but I did write this about a certain preacher last week on a airplane . . .

Sunday, June 21st

In the middle of the air somewhere over North Carolina or Virginia I am a little disgusted by Creflo Dollar. The mega-church preacher in Atlanta never impressed me ( I am pretty hesitant in general when it comes to prosperity preachers to the masses.) And reading Upscale magazine with Tyrese on the cover confirmed all my ill feelings. Asked who his favorite TV dad was as a special Father’s Day, I almost got a headache with the serious side eye I was giving his answer: George Jefferson .

Sherman Hensley created an iconic character as the quick-witted and hot-headed business man George, who had found his deluxe apartment in the sky. I grew up laughing at him with the rest of my family, but an ideal father he was not. He was quicker to call his neighbor Tom a honky before giving his hard working maid a raise. His son lionel found him insufferable sometimes and he could leave his wife beyond frustrated and profusely apologizing for his actions. And this is a man to emulate for a man of the cloth?

“Seeing George make his transition from the boroughs to a penthouse gave me hope that I could do that as well,” Dollar said, the perfect last name indeed.

But teaching that the love of money is the root of evil and trying to get a penthouse seem pretty contradictory to me.

No I don’t think God sent us here to be broke, but bling was never a part of the reason we are here either. Just look where baby Jesus was born (a broke down manger) and his worldly possessions (the shirts on his back and some simple sandals). I have many tv dads in mind who exemplified great family values the Black church often reinforces and George Jefferson is low on the list, right where my chances of ever tithing in Bentley-driving, atm-by the church dooring, submit your W2s for tithe confirmation then direct depositing Creflo Dollar’s church.

Early Morning Mumblings

2009-06-27T04:11:00.005-04:00

I slipped. As Miss independent, it seems I have fallen in love, amid all the "take it slow" phrases from friends and family.

The grin on my face just proved it at 4am in the morning. Waking up in the middle of the night I call Sherlock hoping he might have left work. He also works for a Black media company and has been working crazy hours on their Michael Jackson coverage. (Working in news is another whole post, as you cover the story, so not really experience. Im grabbing album covers from MJ's unmatched hit collection while we all witness a new day as TMZ reports the death and CNN still waiting for confirmation)

He's at his desk making sure producers and editors are in place and the travel logistics are confirmed. I'm listening in as people stop by his desk and we crack jokes in between.

Then I hear his response, "I'm not caking, She's my girl." His reply wakes the female coworker wide awake and she goes "Ohhh, let me talk to her! Come on!" He replies with a laugh: "No, I want to talk my girlfriend, that's why I called." After pulling away from people, which I often do when overwhelmed or down, (I don't like a crowd at my pity party), I felt some of the numbness melt.

This week has been a bit crazy with an unexpected hospital visit with a friend, right after returning to work after burying my grandmother a week ago (thanks for all the condolences, including cards from my good buddy KLA and the fab BB.

And the death of the King of Pop, reminds us all to focus on the things that really matter and appreciate the frailty and beauty of humanity. So yeah, since our time is short on this Earth, while I do believe in playing it smart, taking it slow may be a waste of precious time:)

Think Globally . ..

2009-06-24T11:45:00.002-04:00

. . .Act Locally. I got this letter from First Lady Obama (like millions of others, I know, I know). This Saturday I will be working an AIDS testing event in Harlem and hope you get active wherever you are . . .

Charreah --

National and community service has been a cornerstone of my life, as I know it has been for many Americans. And with the daily struggles now confronting so many families, it's especially important for us to reach out to one another and offer a helping hand.

I've just launched United We Serve, a national initiative to tackle our toughest problems by working hand-in-hand in communities across the country. We aim to make a real difference right now and bring more and more Americans into a tradition of life-long service to make an even greater difference down the road.

I'd like to invite you to be a part of it by joining Organizing for America's National Health Care Day of Service this weekend. You can join up with other local OFA supporters to help improve health care services in your community and make a difference as we work to reform America's health care system.

Sign up now to participate in a National Health Care Day of Service event this Saturday, June 27th.

There's an old Thomas Edison quote I've always liked: "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." It's no secret that our country faces some enormous challenges right now, and meeting them will take a lot of hard work. But in that work lies an equally great opportunity -- a chance to serve. And I do believe the chance to serve is a precious gift indeed.

Service has played a transformative role in my life -- bringing me tremendous joy and helping me find the path that led to where I am today. As a parent, I believe service is a great way to demonstrate values and to teach our children firsthand what it means to commit to a purpose beyond ourselves.

It should be a part of everyone's life. From the moment someone can walk to the day they leave this planet, service should be a part of how we give back, how we say thank you, how we express our gratitude for the lives that we've been given.

So I'm deeply honored for this chance to support our United We Serve initiative and Organizing for America, and I hope you'll be able to participate this weekend. Please sign up now to volunteer at a local event:

http://my.barackobama.com/hcserviceattend

Thank you,

First Lady Michelle Obama

Things Fall Apart

2009-06-23T14:34:00.002-04:00

Jill Scott and her beau caput. No, not the old break up from two years ago where she was divorced. The new one, her drummer she was planning to marry. Her son is just 2 months old. yes a mother can do an amazing job raising children on her own. But things like this make me wonder what is so bad that we cant work through this, yet were ready to get married and decided to have a child together not so long ago.

ESSENCE.COM Interview
Question: Well, at least your hubby-to-be was there to support. How has he been adjusting to Jett?
JILL SCOTT: Yes, he was there and for a couple of days afterwards while I stayed in hospital, but John and I are no longer together. When you have a baby you're dealing with a lot of emotions and I don't know how much of it had to do with us breaking up, but it happens. We definitely love our son and we are co-parenting and working on being friends. It is what it is. I have a lot of support, so I want for nothing as far as that's concerned. I know some might criticize me or the fact that my son is being raised in a single-parent home, but I wasn't raised in a two-parent home and I had a good relationship with my dad. I have hopes for him and I'm sure his father will do his part as well.

And if you know me, you know I LOVE me some Jill Scott music. I love her in love singing about cooking grits for her man or doing whatever he likes. Maybe I care more than she does, but we need all the hope we can get on strong Black couples creating strong Black families . . .

I saw the same thing with a couple who just had a baby on MTV, with a breakup shortly after a birth. Another big reason I definitely plan to be married before kids, just because I feel we would fight harder for things to work, if we had pledged before God till death do we part.

My Grandmother Had a Beautiful Funeral

2009-06-22T23:12:00.000-04:00

I've been MIA, but from the title of this post you can see Ive been busy . . . and distracted.

My grandmother passed away last Sunday evening around 8pm (a number that continues to appear in my life).

Yes, i was, well continue to be sad, but glad she was at peace after slowly succumbing to sickness and even happier she had such a strong faith in God that continues to live in our family.

I worked Monday and Tuesday and flew to South Carolina for a grip Tuesday night, happy I was heading down as I could hear in my mother's voice, as strong as she was, she was having a weak moment.

By 12:30am that night I was on a driving dark rode to the small town where my mother and her two sisters were raised with my mom in the front seat. The next day I was in full grieving family mode, cleaning up the house, playing hostess to old friends and family who stopped by to show their condolences, as my mother and her sisters finished the details of the service (make sure someone get's grandma's Easter Star sash out of the Dry Cleaners, confirm flower order, make sure grave plot next to my grandfather is clear and marked, etc, etc). I also made a display presentation of pictures throughout my grandmother's live and seeing her young let me see a side of her I never met. A side of her that looked a lot like me. Thursday my other cousins arrived and we checked into a hotel, the first time ive never not stayed at my Grandmother's when in town. With everything moving so fast, I had little time to process how much I would miss her.

Friday my mother pulled out my grandmom's jewelry for me and my two first cousins to get a few pieces to keep. Charm Trunk doesnt have anything on my grand. And putting on her pieces and looking through pictures to see where she wore it, it hit me she was gone.

That afternoon we watched Young and the Restless across the street at my great-aunt's house, a lifelong smoker in Stage Four of lung cancer that has spread. her 28-year-old daughter, who is pregnant with her fourth baby (conceived on Christmas, this somehow came up in a convo) and her two sons are still coming to terms with the reality of her condition.

That night was the wake followed by a seafood dinner at grandmom's with some spades, gin and phase ten card playing. I wore some of grandmom's jewelry to her funeral and wake. Both were so healing and comforting as people could not say enough how incredibly sweet and sacrificing she was. I pray for that kind of grace and spirit of sacrifice. Our family choir sang, with me and my cousin Aisha and my mom joining in and my aunt singing the solo to "He's An On Time God." We got the church rocking and the preacher shared his surprise at seeing a family do the comforting at a love one's funeral. Many of my mom's friends from Atlanta came up for the service and so did my dad who stayed the weekend. Writing this helped more then I realized as I flew back to NY sunday night (flight delayed 2 hours in philly, sigh) and back to work today, with little time to think before back to the serious grind. But one thing death does remind you is how precious life is and to cherish each moment. Back to loving reckless:)

Obama Style

2009-06-09T23:09:00.000-04:00

Every since I discovered President Obama's smoking habit, I had one thought: glad that wasn't a dealbreaker for Mrs. Michelle. That thought had me determined to get a story around it and me and BB did a Guide to Getting a Barack Obama of your own by taking cues from their relationship.

Seeing The Root's story yesterday on Black women needing not be so picky like Flotus (the source of a big fight from one of my coworkers and her boo) made me think back on the

story.

Yes sisters can be too picky but I don't think it's as simple as changing our outlook to discover love because its plenty of single women open to a less-than-perfect guy, and that is NOT settling.

The surprising part is so many guys dont realize what Black women are up against in the dating scene and consider us equals. Boy, if that were the case.

And one comment caught my eye saying Barack Obama was raised by white people so that's why he wanted to get married. Woah. Well, first off he wasnt even sure he believed in the institution but was committed to Michelle. Some other women may have been satisfied with that but that wasnt how Michelle was raised and she let her wants be known (one of the tips).

The love lives of Black women are front in center

What Mitzi Said

2009-06-08T22:17:00.000-04:00

Convicted Asian American Journalists in North Korea. Sigh. What Mitzi said indeed.

Saw a poll in the elevator home on what America should do and wonder what those results would be.

Today I'm feeling gender conscious.

Lately I've been more race conscious after the shooting of yet another Black man by a cop right here in Harlem. Oh yeah. He was a cop too. Waiting on Chinese food last week a group of Black cops walked in and I got the oddest sensation of what it was like for them to return to work after the news. Did they talk about it with each other? With the White guys at work? I really do pray for world peace one little pocket of the world at a time.

Laws of Attraction

2009-06-06T11:39:00.000-04:00

Long before "The Secret" hit bookstores a lot of us already knew the secret to getting what you want was believing it would come. Since officially moving to New York two years ago I have been vocal that this city is one of the best to be a single Black woman hoping to settle down with a successful single Black man, much to the sighs of many friends. Im not saying mini Barack Obama's are hanging from the trees (I've met my share of toads), but good brothers are around. And I guess I have been branded that way.

I had a quick lunch yesterday with one of my friends who is working in the building. I was picking her brain for any story ideas by asking what her and her friends are talking about and she only had two answers: Men (or the lack of) and Careers. We had the same convo we had a year before on me believing NY was a good spot for the single gal, and this is where I had to slide in I had a lil proof in my own life. Then this morning I got a fun email from my homie Nicole and she included this graph . . .

I want to hear more about your Sherlock :) I'm so happy for you!! Since I've known you, you've always been an optimistic person about finding a good guy for yourself and knowing that they are out there, so I'm happy someone who sounds like a sweetie has come along!

I smiled. No, believing good men are out there won't guarantee any will come, but having faith is half the battle - and means you wont be shocked when it happens just like you thought it would. And when those moments do come, just live in the moment because who knows what the future holds . . .

More about Sherlock? Well, last night we got Chinese and had movie night. Watched the latest "Friday the 13th" as two scary movie lovers. He's been great to have while Im away from home and my grandmother is really sick. And I am fighting not to be that girl who gets a man and no one hears from her . . . can you hear me now? good, good

#FF

2009-06-05T07:52:00.005-04:00

So twitter is all about Forward Fridays, broadcast people and things worth putting your attention to. Think I will do it blog style . . .

Chestnut Orange

*If nothing but for the amazing photos alone and fresh design, Nicole's blog is a great experience. She's living her dream life in D.C. as a photo editor and is snapping along the way. She's also dropping tidbits about her new love interest and who doesn't love reading about the thump thump of your heart with new love;)

Connie Schultz's column

http://www.cleveland.com/schultz/index.ssf/

Ok, so not an actual blog BUT she is a Pulitzer-winning columnist -and also married to Ohio Senator Sherrod Brown. I had the pleasure of meeting them both last year at a conference and have been enthralled every since. Her book "And His Lovely Wife" gave me a good look at her life as a new political wife and not losing your identity next to a powerful man. Her weekly columns always stir an emotion in me.

Funky Brown Chic

Let's talk about sex baby. It's refreshing to see someone be so open about their sex and dating life. She doesnt discriminate when it comes to the menfolk and I enjoy reading her new perspective and outlook. Dont wonder anymore what sex with an Asian guy may be like . . .

Reel Talk

http://ticketstubz.blogspot.com/

Movie buff meet Movie maven. Candice uses her "get to the point" approach to break dow

n movies. Most of her ratings I agree with (or enjoy debating) and I can get a synopsis from someone of similar outlook for movies I dont plan to see and fake it in a convo, not that I

would ever do that;)

Obama Watch

Ok, my good buddy Cynthia Gordy is the amazing

White House correspondent for Essence and blogs about her daily adventures at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. What else is there to say:)?

*Picture: me, Cynthia and Candice (right) at Naz (center)'s 30th Birthday Bash . . .

Gotta Love Katies

2009-06-02T08:25:00.000-04:00

Katie Couric was the first female Class Day speaker at Princeton in the university's history.

"What really matters in the end is how you've played the game of life...that you've lived it with honor, integrity and character... old fashioned qualities that never go out of style...whether you're a fan of Ella Fitzgerald or Lady Gaga"

and then she hit the ladies with this one . . .

"I'm sure you are all graduating with big career goals. You may also have a dream of being married and having a family, and at some point the career may take a backseat. There is no more challenging, rewarding or important job than being a mom. I just want to say this -- sometimes dreams of domestic bliss are interrupted by reality. People get divorced. People die. You need to protect yourself. I was very happily married to a wonderful man. He was diagnosed with colon cancer and nine months later, he was gone. I was a single mom with two very young children. This was not part of the plan. Luckily, I had a career and therefore the financial independence to support my children. Many women in my situation are not nearly as fortunate. And while I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer, I want you all to be prepared for the unexpected and approach some of the big life decisions you'll be making with your eyes wide open."

Very real stuff. As the years I see between me and marriage and kids slip under 5, her message hit me. Keep grinding. Enjoy life while you are at it.

Don't let the girly sound fool you. From my great-grandmom I was named for to Mrs. Couric, Katies sure can be ballsy movers and shakers

Ladies Love

2009-06-01T17:55:00.003-04:00

LL Cool J. The other night I went to a concert with Estelle and LL. I was upstairs. She was rocking the stage and a week of running after memorial day had me beat. After she wrapped and I was on the floor with my buddy Niem, I fought off the yawns and at least wanted a peek of LL in the flesh. I was suppose to interview him and once I got there found out it was for after the lengthy show and close to midnight. After a half hour of setting up for him, bringing out towels and laying roses just so, the man of the hour comes out. He.killed.it Did all his classics, was just full of energy and taking pictures and dancing with fans. I was spellbound, and grinning remembering an old lady telling Sherlock he looked like Mr. James himself.

LL continues to rock out and show he's definitely still got it. He struts across the stage and licks his lips like it's closer to 1990 than 2010. Of course the ladies want to see his chest and he gets down to a wife beater.

The publicist texts me to see if I am still on, and I am completely awake after some "Rock the Bells" and "Hey Lover." I head upstairs as "I Need Love" comes on and we watch the rest of the show from the top balcony. Afterwards they take me around the corner where he will do photos and interviews. I wait. I wait. I waitttttttttttt. I get up thinking this will go on all night and the pub says they just got upstairs and I can go first. He rounds the corner. The sheen is gone. He's dry and in a new clean shirt. I head over and introduce myself and kick off my interview asking him to grade on hip hop. Turns out he is a Drake fan and is excited about his new role on NCIS. I get a decent interview in under six minutes and my shoulder is tapped. My time is up. I walk away smirking at the transformation. Beyonce isnt the only one with an alter ego. Sasha Fierce meet Mr. Cool J

She Say He Just a Friend

2009-05-28T13:00:00.004-04:00

The age old debate on whether men and women can really "just" be friends is back. Interviewing Hill Harper he was making some great points on the importance of men and women actually communication to better understand each other and build stronger relationships.

So I asked in the interview his take on men and women just being friends. His reply:
Yes! Gabrielle Union is one of my best friends. People have always said we've hooked up. We've shared great memories and very difficult times together, but we've never crossed the line of friendship. Men and women can absolutely be friends and that's what we need to be. Part of the problem is that we aren't friends enough.

I agree that we can just be friends if neither is attracted or we've established we arent going down that road. One of my oldest guy friends though is in the dog house with me. AFter not talking for months, my tweets alert him to the fact Ive got a BF. he calls and grills me and tries to find any hole to bring down someone he doesnt know. He didnt care how me or my mom were doing, just wanted the 411 on Sherlock. Like a real friend, I let him have it, after the last sly remark and not-so-subtle jab. I still contend men and women can just be friends!

On Bended Knee

2009-05-26T22:48:00.001-04:00

That's me grinning on the way to my friend Teresa's wedding. It was my first time being a bridesmaid and I took my duties seriously.

At work I play around sometimes saying I might as well propose to Sherlock since he's such a great guy.

I never actually would propose to a guy, not that I'm stuck in tradition, but more so if he really wanted to marry me, he would ask. I asked Sherlock what he thought of a woman proposing. He broke it down, that he and most guys wouldnt be offended by it, but it takes away the moment for them. He said he proposals are great for women, but it is a special moment for the man as well as he plans exactly how it will go down and shares how much his lady means to him. I never looked at like that. See why I joked like that to begin with?

Spades in Central Park

2009-05-22T12:22:00.003-04:00

Girls just wanna have fun . . .

Anyone want to join me Monday? Had a blast playing with Rakia for her dirty 30 picnic last year . . .

Shameless Plug

2009-05-20T19:26:00.008-04:00

I had the great experience of writing a relationships story for ESSENCE with my good friend and coworker Niema."10 Places to Meet Black Men" on page 76.

Along with weddings (yes, I somehow got Cupid Shuffle in the mix) and bookstores we included the stip club.

No, every woman won't meet the man of her dreams at Magic City, but you may meet someone who you can have a nice date with.

My Prom Date

2009-05-18T23:47:00.000-04:00

Michael Ealy dropped by the job a few weeks back.

I had the pleasure of interviewing him in the fall and he was nothing like I thought he would be. This college-educated brother isn't the bad boy we've seen on screen (he killed it in Miracle at St. Anna though . . .) During his visit of course a few of the ladies were grinning extra hard with fresh coats of lip gloss;). After we cleared out, and everyone had taken pictures one of my coworkers asked if I wanted a shot. I usually pass on celeb photos but figured why not since he had been so fun throughout his visit. As I'm going for a hug he says, "let's do the prom pose" and I burst out laughing and here's the outcome. Me with my mouth wide open like I'm heading to the limo outside.

My senior prom was the best for the record and at the Fox Theater in Atlanta;) STILL love that dress, (think blue mermaid) lol. But can't say I had someone as fine as Michael Ealy to take me . . .

Season Of Sense

2009-05-17T17:57:00.001-04:00

So, I did this whole I'm back to blogging post over the weekend and it got deleted. Just as well.

What's been holding me back from blogging sooner is feeling I'm not all the way real of I come talking about all the good stuff like seeing the pride in John Legend as he bounced around during his brother Vaughn Anthony's showcase last week or laughing with my girls or the BF, or seeing my lil cousin graduate from Hampton last weekend, without adding getting bad news about one of my friend last week, or the reality of my grandmother slowing downnnnn.

But it's all life and if anything those mortal moments remind you to live life in the moment.

And as rough as it is to get out the bed some mornings, Im thankful for the eye crust and a desk to go sit at (one morning with my shirt on inside out.) And even though my blogging has been lax, my twitter game has come up (HarlemCharm . .the homies back home have been getting on me for that, yep Im still a Georgia Peach). I had a blast doing a Twitter With the Stars story for ESSENCE.com and looking at the celeb's pages for work (and, yeah it was fun for me).

Congrats to all the grads out there! Posting this old pic just to make me feel summer-y and will hopefully get me a trip booked . . . I twittered away when I was in PR last year:).

A little this, a little that

2009-05-04T21:32:00.006-04:00

Sorry for the sporadic posting. Cant blame the alcohol.

Finally feeling a little more in a groove. My friend's wedding was the weekend before last and flying back in Monday and going straight to work, my week was on turbo for the rest of the days.

My roomie met the boyfriend and gave him two thumbs up (read they traded stories on my narcolepsy . .. its not my fault I get so comfortable I go to sleep on the phone:)

Thursday I went to a fashion event in Harlem hosted by a publicist buddy and chatted with Selita Ebanks and Jessica White about shoes. A few of the Harlem Heights girls were there along with Melyssa Ford. Loved her hair!

Next day we had to say farewell to fab freelancers at work and Rashida (the shoe store owner in the middle) and Nicole swung by the office for a quick hello. Good times

Old Dogs and New Tricks

2009-05-03T18:21:00.001-04:00

Even after all the rumors, I still was surprised and so sad to hear Kelis and Nas were divorcing - as she carries their first child at seven months pregnant. I shutter to think what drove her to feel she couldnt wait another second to get out of the marriage.

I was checking out the gallery on Divorces in Hollywood, and this rap lyric by Nas caught my attention.

“Say hello to the man, goodbye to the gigolo
It was difficult for me to find a chick I want.”

I shook my head. On the surface it sounds cool to make that big of an impact that someone changes for me. But I wouldnt want being faithful to be a life change and probably some truth to the saying you cant teach an old dog new tricks. Not saying someone cant change. Its just its tougher for them to resist something that use to be so natural.

My BF (yeah, me and Sherlock are official, crazy right?) is a girlfriend type of guy. I dont mind the stories that include past girlfriends because it kinda comforting that this monogamy thing isnt new.

Its definitely not easy to find someone who "gets" you and all of your ish. So seeing such quirky people split is definitely sad. Sending all types of good energy Kelis (and Nas)'s way and all women who have been where she is.

All Hail the First Lady!

2009-04-29T07:59:00.000-04:00

Celebrating 100 days of President Obama and our fab First Lady Michelle!

This picture always has me singing Erykah Badu . . . I want somebody to walk up behind me, and kiss me on my neck, just breathe, on my neck . . .

Reading this article on CNN really put things in perspective that she is much bigger than just a friend in my head and what me and many young women aspire to be. I forget she is something new for many people. Women in India dont look up to her because she is fabulous, successful, and has a healthy relationship and family. They just are happy to see someone with darker skin and who doesnt have sons be in a position of power (women are aborting when they find out they are having daughters . . . still). That's a lot deeper, and let's me know I need to get more involved in women's rights issues.

First Lady Style

2009-04-26T13:58:00.000-04:00

Charm Trunk, my vintage side hustle, is presenting the Michelle Obama collection this Sunday from 2pm - 8pm. Drop in for girl talk and vintage style at a steal, with skirts, dresses and more just in time for warm weather! Email Harlem.charm@gmail.com for details and feel free to tell a friend.

American Violet

2009-04-17T16:25:00.000-04:00

You gotta see "American Violet."

Besides supporting one of the few films released with a Black woman as the lead - it is an amazing story. The lead story Dee is a single mom of four daughters living in le projects in a

small town in Texas and she is overflowing with some strength, courage and wisdom.

The film is based on a true story as Regina Kelly was jailed in a drug bust, and being pressured to take a plea deal and get out - which would have left her a convicted felon -unable to vote or get any government assistance. It didnt matter they had no evidence for a case and it only took the word of one unnamed source to get her jailed in the raid. I saw the film a f

ew weeks ago and it really had me again thinking of going to law school. I had no idea more than 90% of cases end in plea deals or how deeply racist and skewed the drug laws were. The producer and the director broke it down how DAs were given bonuses and money for the more dr

ug convictions they could get.

Xhibit plays Dee's deadbeat ex-boyfriend and he did a great job. I interviewed him a few weeks ago and he is HILARIOUS and really doesn't hold back, a lot of that left on the cutting roo

m floor. Alfre Woodard plays Dee's mom and she is such a gem. Of course when she said "rising above" during an answer, I had to mention to her I loved her in "Beauty Shop," to which I could hear the smile in her voice as she said she really enjoyed the project. It was humbling to see none of us can ever get too big for compliments - especially on your craft. Loved her thoughts on love too.

I had the chance to speak with Regina Kelly and her poise and strength wraps you like a hug. Its easy to look back and see how it all worked out, but she stepped out and took on a racist county having no idea how things would turn out. Newcomer Nicole Beharie is the lead in the film and she is captivating. It was like talking to a cousin, as she discussed when she once lived in

Orangeburg, SC where both of my parents went to undergrad.

The movie closes on an interesting note, reminding you that there is definitely more work that needs to be done - and one person really can make a difference, even those society often overlooks.

Sweet Treat

2009-04-16T19:30:00.001-04:00

So earlier this week I got a text from Sherlock at work asking if my work address was the same as the magazines because someone at his job wanted to send something to the magazine.

I replied nonchalantly yes . . .
. . .inside my heart beat just a tad faster wondering if it was him trying to confirm my work address to send me something.

It was a random Tuesday, not my birthday or an anniversary, so I wasn't expecting anything special. I went on with my day and headed out to a steakhouse for a food tasting we are doing. Ok, so I did tell my co-worker about it when we were out and asked if it sounded like a ploy to get my address or if I just had watched too many romantic comedies. She patted my hand and said don't get your hopes up. I laughed out loud and agreed. On the way back in the cab he sent me a text asking how my day was going. I replied. I got upstairs and waiting on my desk was a delivery from edible arrangements. I grinned hard then didnt really know how to react since I didnt want all of my coworkers all in the bizness.

I grabbed my phone and went around the corner to call and properly thank him.

A coworker who can push my buttons was walking by and said I see hearts. I felt myself getting cold thinking she meant she could see hearts in my eyes or something. Until she pointed and I realized she was referring to the heart-shaped pineapples. Wow. Nice touch. My buddies at work came on by for some afternoon fruit.

Of course it was a challenge to get back focused, but I managed. And all my coworkers and the roomie approve of the new guy so far because of jumbo sized strawberries:) . . .

Sexy Grits

2009-04-15T23:21:00.002-04:00

Tonight I went to a new Harlem hot spot, Mojo on 119th and St. Nick and I definitely will be back again. It has excellent lighting in shades of magenta and purple that make everyone look like they are glowing, good drinks, smooth music (jazz, Al Green and Zapp & Roger all had a spin) and great presentation with tasty food. And full disclosure I went with the new guy, so awesome company may have endeared me to the place even more.

Waiting at the bar a few minutes before he got there, I scanned the menu and Sexy Grits caught my eye. I had to know what was in it and the bartender said they had cream, milk and a little sugar topped with mushrooms. Sherlock came smelling good and we sat down for dinner. All the drinks on the menu looked extra enticing and after interviewing a bartender recently I'm itching to expand my drink selection. With many cocktails being named for Harlem neighborhoods I felt it was right I rep my part of town and ordered the Sugar Hill. He got the Striver's Row (LOVE that block, gorgeous . . .and the drink is tasty with fresh lemon)

We were playing the questions game and I was deciding which sense I would give up if i had to lose one. I chose taste just as the waitress returned for our food orders. Sexy grits it was . . . and they were delicious.

Mojo definitely earns its name.

Mid-meal I laughed remembering a t-shirt I saw in Savannah a few years back.

G.R.I.T.S
Girls Raised In The South

Guess you really area what you eat . . . Sexy Grits on Sugar Hill:)

Easter Weekend

2009-04-13T18:23:00.003-04:00

Ok. So I didn't read the New York Times this weekend. I didn't do laundry. I didn't grocery shop. I didn't clean. I didn't call old or new friends.

But I feel like I had a pretty productive weekend.

I went to church. Spent time with a GREAT guy. Filed my taxes. Smiled at pretty babies.

Looking at all the kids in their Easter dresses at church, made me reflect on my old dresses from year's past. My Kindergarten teacher Ms. Prather threatened to braid up all our pretty curls if we didn't stop talking in class the Monday after Easter and I think that was the quietest her class ever was.

My pastor did an amazing sermon on the death of death that came along with Easter. Great stuff. Then lunch at Native and cupcakes and watching Dreamgirls.

Hope your Easter was a good one

Miss Kerri Baby

2009-04-10T19:47:00.001-04:00

Keri Hilson.

All this time she has been out, I had no idea she was from DECATUR, GA as am I until recently. My roommate ADORES Keri and they definitely have similar styles. I loved Turning Me On and was glad to see her stepping out and doing her own thing, even if that meant a bowl haircut here and there.

All the remix hoopla with Beyonce and Ciara, who cares? Though if she is going to claim to be so down, if it wasnt them two, then just say who those verses were written for.

Anywho, with her debut album finally out I have been listening trying to find another track like Turning Me On and Energy that I can just jam to. Her Swag On remix is hot for getting ready for a night out but not what Im jamming to on the train. Then today her song "Hands and Feet" came on the ipod and I was feeling it . . .until the chorus. Its all mellow and sexy as she spots a guy she is feeling in. Then says you can tell a guy can handle his by his hands and feet - and then asks 'Where'd you get that from, your daddy?" If I am thinking about somebody in that way, I dont want there parents popping in my head or theirs . . .

A Queen on KING

2009-04-08T21:12:00.000-04:00

So KING magazine folded recently. Another magazine gone. It felt rather personal. And like most personal moments I don't respond right away and let the news sink in.

I just read Aliya's post (LOVE HER BLOG) on it and felt I wanted to share my two cents.

I'm a feminist so a magazine accused of objectifying women definitely got plenty of side eye, until I picked up King and read it. I always learned something. Sure I always thought, couldnt they cover this girl just a little more or did she have to pose bent over, from the back. But if it took that pose to get a young Black man who otherwise wouldnt be reading the info inside, well, guess we can make a little concession.

And the staff. Throughout my time at HU with Cover to Cover their writers and editors always supported students trying to break in. They sent copies of more than one issue to our conferences and welcomed students by. I invited Aliya down to a panel we hosted Senior year and I loved hearing the story of how the Baby's Daddy Manual came together, something I thing should be printed in pamphlets and distributed.

In New York later that year, me and the Cover to Cover VP actually saw Datwon and Jermaine out at lunch during our trip to NY, right before it was announced Jermaine was the new EIC. She was a huge fan of the magazine and I urged her to say hello. We did and they were extra cool

Once I got to NY, not only was the Hilltop homie Jozen on staff, but also my fellow mag head John Kennedy and it was exciting to see us both transition from college grads to EAs at magazines we loved. We met for lunch and AIMed.

Then that fall our senior writer was working on a cheating story and there were talks of getting King to possibly help get men to take a survey. So she and I headed over to the King offices. It was like walking into Drew Hall, the post-college edition. We met in one of the top execs offices and editors from the mag filed in. All these young Black men who were witty and creative. I loved the way they interacted and what constituted common knowledge. For examples they quoted Martin episodes and Tribe Called Quest songs. It was like a frat house minus the bbq grill. Well maybe there was a grill i didnt see.

Aliya made the great point of where else would you find that many Black men as magazine editors.

Well, Im sure they will all be fine and some cool new site will help fill the void of the mag. Still hate to see a sweet spot for the brothers go

Smitten Over Sushi

2009-04-06T18:58:00.002-04:00

Smitten.

That's the word me and my homie of summer 2006 would describe our love lives right now. So I've been scratching my head and smiling a.lot. after hanging with Sherlock(one of our many inside jokes) these last few weeks.

And my optimism in love has been spilling over to others. I had lunch Saturday with one of my mentors and she hadnt talked to a guy friend she was feelings for in months. She tried calling once after a misunderstanding that was her fault. I told her to call . . .and leave the "why havent called me speech"? for the birds. That isnt gonna get you what you want in the end: your friend back. I finally started reading Steve Harvey's book and I completely agree on sometimes independent women have to remember how to be

ladies and treat a man like, well, a man. So we practiced the convo. "I havent talked to you" changed to "WE havent talked" with a side of "I Miss talking to you and just wanted to say hello." Who would get defensive with that? No, Im not that wise. A lot of that stayed with me from Susan Taylor last year and she saying how we have to remember to be soft with our men and build them up.

Saturday night was Z's housewarming in BK which only for her would I make that trek! Had fun playing some spades and of course the convo turned to relationships and the fellas breaking down how the break down the Jump Off. The one girl with the ring on it shut it down with a loving smile after her guy went on and on, that he did none of what he was saying to get her. Loved.it.

So yesterday Sherlock taught me how to make sushi . . . no Im not gonna be whipping up spicy tuna rolls for lunch but the whole process is demystified. His recipe for jerk chicken rolls with mango I promised to keep to myself but it was ON POINT. I've been on the prowl for men who cook for work and this brother somehow pops back into my life and can.burn. Im totally going to step my game up.

I also tried to get to church yesterday but a few minutes late had me outside for 15 minutes till I acknowledged this wasnt going to happen. Guess people thought it was Easter already. The choir sounded good . . ..and I made a note to self to go to the 8am service necxt week. ABout to cross the street to get on the bus, I see Harriet Cole and her daughter on a scooter fly by and smile. Mornings in Harlem.

Loving Reckless . . .Atlanta Housewive style

2009-04-03T21:26:00.002-04:00

So yesterday the blog world had its panties in a bunch wondering what was going on in the panties of Dwight . . .The Atlanta Housewives star who is getting a wife of his own as mouths wagged that he was getting married to a woman . . .

And of course I felt I should go straight to the source, and dialed up Mr. Dwight to get the details.

Me: Hey Dwight, Do I owe you a congratulations?

Dwight: You've been reading the blogs?

Me: (Laughs) No a friend mentioned . . .(which was true, Niem gchatted me)

The story was correct and my favorite divo was getting hitched and broke it down on how the men just wasnt giving him play like the ladies.

“It’s really interesting because the men are so standoffish, but the women don’t care," says Dwight. "Most of the men around here are gay, lying to their wives, slipping and dipping and all that, but it is what it is. You have to enjoy life, and that’s what I am doing.”

Of course this set off plenty of debate. Should we all be that open-minded and at least be happy he's being honest? And of course the obvious response . . . "are Black women really that desperate?"

Well, as I promote loving reckless for the year, if you find happiness and love, who am I to judge it?

I'm just not one to compete on who's the most feminine or cute in a marriage . . .

Could you date a man who shared he had been bisexual in the past? If he was great and faithful, would you just rather not know?

Mind F*ck

2009-04-01T07:42:00.004-04:00

"What kind of mind f*ckery is this?" I sang, on key if I do say so myself, from the backseat during a road trip with friends a while back.

We laughed and put on Amy Winehouse for the ride, as my friend continued the tangled story of her good friend, great friend, actually who really "got" her, though his girlfriend tucked away in another state kept them from officially being together. Then she shared how he had invited her and two other of his female friends to hang out with him one night, none of them knowing each other and just knowing him. I thought he was totally trying to have his cake and eat them too. . .

Could I realistically tell her to just let this guy out of her life since he was had jerk tendencies and was a little dangerous to her sanity? No.

Because the mind loving was just too good and when you find someone who really gets all your jokes and weirdness, it's way harder to let.that.go

So in the backseat I started to break down a Mind F*ck.

First I was excited to share with the group that everyone always reaches a climax in a mind freak, and there is no uncertainty if you don't.

There's not that whole weird "did you come?" question (fellas, we HATE that . . .if you have to ask then I feel you have your answer, no, Naked with socks did a great post on this a while back).

In a mind hook up, it is pretty clear when you get the joke that we have reached higher ground.

And there are always constant new surprises and never the same ole routine. You are also usually always in the mood, or a good inside joke can be all the foreplay needed to get things going.

Tonight during some good mind loving I heard about this guy at the movies . . . with his jumpoff. Me and my homie both knew that was inappropriate JO behavior of his friend. Then the friend texts that well, the girl took him and he was going to get her to do something nasty and I cracked up . . .

Then wondered is there a Mind JO job? Yes indeed. That crass or crazy friend you wouldnt take out or introduce to your friends and you arent comfortable with how they would act in a social setting, but still pick up the phone when they call because they always have a crazy story, or will listen and have crazy feedback to yours, well thats a mental jump off.

Mind F*cks arent anything to play with

Been a long time

2009-03-30T18:51:00.003-04:00

Queen to be, means on you're on your way to even greater heights!

So I am trying to hone in the blog to share lessons I am learning on this ride.

Sorry for the break in post.

Note to self: Dont book flights that leave right after work on Friday and Fly right into work Monday morning or you will feel like a 12 day work week.

But I can't complain at all. The bridal shower was a big hit and that southern upbringing came in handy as I ran around and kept the party going with our games and fun times. Got back and work has been great.Posted interviews with Tamera Mowry, and caught up with Dwight again from the Atlanta Housewives and got his Etiquette tips. That man can TALK and I was just loving every second (though wish he still used "dreadful":)

So I also have been hanging out with this really funny and cute and smart guy I met a few years back and popped back unexpectedly, thanks to his maneuvering friend. We shall see . . . Friday we had dinner at his favorite spot then hung out in the Village some. Saturday I helped out printing at church then book club meeting with my beloved Teacakes. We discussed the book "Naked" and of course menfolk and Steve Harvey and Denene's book. I then worked some on the side hustles (trying to be a grownup).

Saturday I headed down to the Cover to Cover conference at Howard. After four years of that group being my baby while at school and the conference her recital, it was great to return and just be a guest. I reconnected with Kellie, a fab makeup artisit and beauty blogger. While talking it clicks that I had met before, when she was helping out with registration's at ESSENCE's Young Women Leadersjip Conference in DC and I remember telling her how great her makeup was.

* through all the many paths people take to the top, they all have a few common characteristics: risk-takers, hard workers, confidence in self, creativity
* network, network (that doesn't mean you have to be BFF with everyone, but leave the room with atleast one card, I took that advice last week and am getting a free salon treatment Thursday because of it!)*stay in touch - when you do make that contact, check in every now and then, and not just when you need something (that picture is me Ari and Whitney on the end, with Kellie and the rest of my C2C people)

I didn't realize there are two Busboys and Poets in DC now and totally missed my BFF before we had to head out:(. But I did walk right past Kellie Williams, also known as Laura Winslow on Family Matters at the one at U st. I had just interviewed her and stopped her and we both pretty excited to randomly meet in person. She is such good people, and reminds you people are just people, fabulous and all. We went through downtown to check the Cherry Blossoms. Gorgeous and cool kites flying high!

Me, Ari and Shani stopped in Bmore to see a friend who just joined a Business Sorority and had dinner on the harbor

which was great. I still have to read Steve's book! I've been reading Pearl Cleage's latest lately and I LOVE me some her. Off to the gym, bridesmaids dress awaits . . .

Hailing a Snaxi

2009-03-18T19:05:00.000-04:00

Being a bad girl, I head downstairs for a vending machine snack. Out the window I spot a cab jetting by with one of those new Snickers ads. This one said "Snaxi" and I literally laughed out loud for being caught in the act. Love that ad!! And I ended up with no Snaxi as my twizzlers got caught in the machine. Definitely a sign . . . lol

The Coolness

2009-03-15T22:06:00.005-04:00

I ended up at Settepani in Harlem today with my future book editor Rakia. She's so fab, (and you might have seen her on the cover of USA Today on Friday:). We first went to a psedo art opening inside the Adam Clayton Powell building on 125th before grabbing some hot beverages. I was wrong on my Harlem Heights critique that the place only sold baked goods and not brunch. They had a full menu, and good tea, which I guess will have to be my new spot since Harlem Tea Room closed. Tear.

At brunch I was sucking up Rakia's good entreprenurial vibes. She has flown to higher heights since being laid off and her own enterprise of editing books is flourshing (hit her up if you need an editor:). We first met last year at Belle's Legends to Be Ball that was so fly. She knew I was from Decatur and we went to the same high school, so it was like finding a new big sister. She's also giving online dating a try and has met some cuties with potential so I was exited to hear! That's her at her 30th bday picnic in Central Park back in the fall. Im back there cheesing before we got our butts spanked in Spades by my cousin. Argh.

After we left I hit up Carol's Daughter and went with their body oil in Almond Cookie which is great for a massage according to the cutie who is usually there when I go. So with that and a nightie in her wedding color of baby blue I think I am good for a shower gift.

I guess girl power was in full affect for the whole weekend, starting with a great time Friday to celebrate Shani's birthday with delicious and budget-friendly thai on the LES (that's me and the Cosmo Crazy Channy, Update!:). We gabbed on Steve Harvey's book and the validity of his tips for much of the night. And Ari and her bf Steven are just hilarious. Saturday morning me and Ari hit up the NCNW meeting at Abysinnian. Black truly doesn't crack as these ladies age in style. Afterwards I took full advantage of my buddy having a car and before she could blink had picked up a TV stand and bar chairs. I also finally got the Michelle Obama Vogue and was excited to get it from Hueman bookstore on 125th. That place is like a gold mine. Black womanhood. Oh yes.

Here I Stand

2009-03-14T16:11:00.000-04:00

Say what you want about Usher, but everytime I hear "Here I Stand" it gives me pause. That song is so beautiful. Acknowledging people change, move away and the love will be right here (yes, in my head I hear Michael Jackson howling on the SWV song . . .lol) is kinda, well, deep.

This week a story of mine posted with an interview of Dr. Sharon Malone, who happens to be married to Attorney General Eric Holder. And I just loved her for her realness and humility. Yes First Lady Michelle Obama is an amazing example of the Ne-Yo's Miss Independent, but the real beauty is that she is one of so many more.

Dr. Malone met her hubby when she was 30 and he was 38. She was a medical resident after finishing Columbia's med school. Even after Attorney General Holder was sworn in the first time under Clinton she never thought of stopping or slowing her career as she was on track to be a partner at her medical office, which she now is. She got her own, proud of it and still a supportive spouse.

And of course in true six degrees form, I had dinner this week with a few of my magazine buddies and the good gynecoloist is the old doctor of my buddy J at Marie Claire. When Dr. Malone shoots me a sweet email to say she thought the article was good I mention my buddy and she says she had just seen her mom that morning. Truth is always stranger than fiction

So, yeah, here they stand. The success of my community is a direct result of the success of the Black family. So it's so exciting to see great families built from couples that say I hope it's not to hard to belive, but baby you're the only for me . . .

Week Wrap Up

2009-03-13T18:17:00.002-04:00

Its been a great week. I know Im young, but still old enough to be older to some I guess. I met Carrie*, A senior in college when she was interning at Vibe last summer and working the door at the Chrisette Michelle event. My name had gotten off the list but she remembered me from the MPA conference. We'd been emailing every since and she was in town and dropped by the office. I saw me in her bright eyes as she counts down to graduation and gave me some energy. Also did the radio appearance for Teen Diaries which was tons of fun.
Today I've been rather productive. been checking out some new music including Foreign Exchange and Idris Elba's song, which i like . . .that man's is so scrumptious and that accent is something serious

Also, after pushing Online Dating on all my friends lately I am trying to practice what I preach and signed up for Plentyoffish.com, and already have gotten plenty of responses from cute and sensible guys. Who knew?

Caught up with the BFF today. She is the reason why I try to minimize contact with friends during work hours. I literally am laughing out loud whenever we talk for five minutes. Seems my parent isnt the only one dating as her mom gets her groove back and her guy is already making a serious move. her bday is in June and he has already made plans, leaving my girls plans a bust for mom's bday . . .and my dad's lady friend is coming to NY next week with her 22 year old twins and he wants me to meet them all . . .sigh. Well, this week flew by. Had dinner at Philippe's, Mr. Chow's NY restaurant, on business and we kept looking at the other Black patrons, two guys trying to see their deal. Turned out one was Nick Cannon. lol.

Now Im heading downton to a surprise bday dinner of one of my college buddies. Any suggestions on what to get my buddy this weekend for her bridal shower next week? I wanted something sexy, but don't want her to open up handcuffs or this new guide to going down with both our moms sitting by. hmm . . .